[:>|::Any Dream Will Do..::|<:]

irritated

2011-03-23T16:07:00.000-07:00

am irritated.pissed.watever u called it. so irritated that i spouted !@#$ without realising it -_-.

WHY?!

Total crap isn't it. i can't say why I am so bu shuang about it. but somehow i am. kinda like, why am i there -_-

so pissed that i'm gonna drink all the soya milk drinks i bot.

irritated.

maybe tt's fate. no soya bean milk for you. haha.

无聊

2011-02-11T19:13:00.000-08:00

以前的你去了哪里？

怀念从前的你，但那个你已离我而去。。。

思念

2011-02-10T19:42:00.000-08:00

心里的痛，无人会懂
思念。。放在嘴边就失意义
唯能放在心底
但。。也因为如此，心也变得更沉重，更痛。

得来不易

2010-11-27T08:30:00.000-08:00

With the release of this year's PSLE results and reviewing of the secondary schools my sister are eligible for, I finally realised how tough other's lives was compared to mine. While I was busy working my ass off to get into the course like medicine, people are struggling to get into university. When I though that entering an average secondary school such as Anderson was quite a breeze, it was so hard for others who didnt make the cut. I even remembered being disappointed at that point for not making into even better schools. I must have really took things for granted -__- (though I worked hard for them) and not appreciate what I have in life. But oh well, that's just me..always dissatisfied with whatever I've achieved -__-.

I used to think PSLE is easier than the school's exams, thus easier to do better. Apparently it's not.HAIX,I think I've imposed my expectations on her too. I had confidence in her. I made her dream big. I convinced her that if you aimed for the moon, you'll still be able to reach the stars even if you can't make it to the moon. Her disappointment, though well-hidden, pains me. I wonder..if I'm wrong in painting her that wonderful picture which was torn by reality. If I hadn't make her dream big,will her disappointment be less? All I wanted now is her to be happy. It's just PSLE for goodness sake. Screw Singapore system in making kids nowadays so stressed. Kids nowadays are smart enough to know that these examinations are important. And are stressed by them. Parent may play a part in transferring the stress to the children. BUT even without the parents, kids nowadays know. They are smarter and more mature. What a good job the system has done to the kids these days..forcing them to grow up at such an early age.

What I hope now, is that my dear sis doesnt give up. That's what I've been telling her these days. Just imagine that your results is a key that open the different doors. The better your key, the more doors you can open. PSLE is just one stage for you to get the key, there are many more ahead. So to get a good key, you have to work hard for one. Schools themselves are like the rooms contain the keys. Better rooms have more better keys. But what kind of key you get depends on yourself, the work and effort you put into. SO IT'S NOT THE END yet, just work harder next time :)

Let's just hope that the govt is not going to reduce the number of opportunities to obtain the keys or the doors that the key can lead to with the IP programs n stuff >.<

Oh Well~

enlightenment.

2010-10-29T07:41:00.000-07:00

无需做好人。。。因为人都是自私的。
Thks to you... I've finally understood that.

wth.

2010-10-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

seriously wth. do you think i really want to work there? if not for the promise i've made at that point of time, i would have chosen somewhere else. it's really ridiculous that you even made that statement. thks for showing me ur true self. the excuses that you gave were crap. fine, i'm a small fry, not worth mentioning or remembering. great, other than the gossips about me that you remembered what exactly do you have in you? you dont even remember which sch i'm from. tt's still forgivable. but which hospital I'm gg to? COME ON< if i'm not gg there, why on earth I did my attachment there?! use ur 'so smart' brain to think can't you? seriously. this is crap. totally spoilt my day. and g8, you made me wished I've never made that stupid promise and kept to it.

wth.

why human behave this way

2010-10-15T09:53:00.000-07:00

Some people look like they don't care because they are afraid of getting hurt.
Some people look like they don't have any expectations because they are afraid of disappointment.
Some people look like they don't have any opinions because they are afraid of putting others on spot.

When do others actually read into this?

2010-06-28T09:05:00.000-07:00

在你批评人以前，你知道事情的来龙去脉吗？当你否定一个人曾付出过的感情时，你有想过这个人的感受吗？你有想过你把这个人所珍惜的一切说成是一个谎言，从无存在过。真的是这样吗？

为何某些人未亲生经历，却能含血喷人。为什么这些所谓的旁观者能以他们自己的价值观去批评别人？

到底是为何？

redeeculous

2010-06-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

感情。难道真的是谁先放手谁就是失败者吗？能这么样的否定一个人曾付出的真心吗？
不公平。。。一点都不公平。

reflect.

2010-04-09T17:26:00.000-07:00

Rmb the post on life as a road and the road block? I want to add something to it.

That new route does takes you to a destination near the original destination, but there is no road linking those two destinations. In other words, you will never reach your original destination. You will be standing at a different destination, looking over your original destination, thinking: "It's so near, yet so far" -.- great.

BUT despite that, I have not given up hopes on my new destination yet. I'm still looking for meanings to it and I believe I will be able to, making my current destination one as valued as the original one.

Seriously, I should be writing my 2000 words essay. instead of crapping on the past. o well~

I LOVE PODIATRY :D ~~i still do desire to study medicine~~

why

2010-01-24T15:18:00.001-08:00

haix. tell me why leh. why other people have birthday presents n i have none. ok not none. but. not a shared one from them. why why why leh. for once i'm glad that no one actually read my long dead blog. so i could just write whatever i want. haha. seriously, why leh?!?? haix. how pathetic can i get.

sometimes, i really feel that i'm really shi bai. i rmbed he told me before.. "pls lahh..u tink they will care about u meeh..u tink they will even think for u mehh..nobody will think for u de..they will just do their own stuff...why do u nd to keep thinking for them if they dont even think for u.."..fine..watever. coz sometimes, he's really right. n i can't deny. i have always wished for surprises..friends to give me surprises..like how i gave them or how i joined the rest n gave them one. gifts too (i mean, who wouldnt agree on that)..haha..but most of the time..nah..it never really happens...just really once in a while..

makes me wonder if i'm really a terrible friend or wat..maybe i'm quite a terrible person...all the maybes i could tink of couldnt answer my 'why?' question from the start. WHY LEH? u tell me lah. every other person, people chip in and have a ncie shared present..WHERE'S MINE? -.-

watever..like i cared.. haix.

weirdd

2010-01-10T14:23:00.000-08:00

I seriously should not be blogging at this point of time. I should be studying my neale's disorder of the foot religiously and not get distracted by facebook..people's blogs and stuff. seriously. what the crap.It's just like I am feeding on spices of other people's life because I do not have my own. And i seriously don't. Espcially at this point of the year.

I realised the main cause of my insomnia the past few days which I chanced upon was really...coz of Wah tak (my panda soft toy which act like a bolster). which i hugged it those nights. and I couldnt sleep. at all. not until 4 am in the morning. just imagine how flustered i was since I had to wake up at 7am the following morning. The subsequent night, I was so tired I just fell straight onto my bed and SLEPT throughout. lol. That was when I realised...maybe..wahtak was the main cause..and i tried for the subsequent nights..and it works. haha.. weird huh, the power of the subconscious mind.

about that..Well..i must say...really do need some time to get use to being single again. You cant help but to think that the one person who cared and loved you isn't there anymore. You can't help thinking you are the one who pushed him away and why are you still thinking about him. You can;t help thinking what the hell is he doing. You also can't help clicking his facebook wall and profile to see what has he been doing. Sheesh. Terrible.

Seriously, how weak can I get. haix. but really. learning to let go might not be a bad thing after all. At least, I don't get so emotionally worked up tat frequently. I don't get so strained and stressed by being 'kiap' between my family and him. I don't have worry why is there a frown on his face. I don't have to think why is this happening to me. I don't know. After reading my friend's blog on how much she missed her bf, I wonder if I was too weak that I gave up on us. BUT I have to convince myself..that whatever i have done wasn't wrong. There's no comparison in the first place since different people are involved. I have to remind myself the reason why.

And that's why I decided to let go.

wts

2009-12-26T13:25:00.000-08:00

how crappy can my life get. hmm, i seriously do wonder. losing 3 loved ones within 6 months is seriously no joke. I can't believe what happen just within this short period of time. Being far far away from home makes it worse. It makes it even harder for one to accept whatever has happened is now a reality. quite crazy isn't it. And great, i even 'added' spice to my crappy enough life. haix. It hurts to even think about it. As much as I didn't want to. but I have no choice. As my mum says..it's my future happiness. How much litres of tears have I spent on him (excluding those for my 3 loved ones). First time in my life, I felt so vulnerable to emotions, so vulnerable to the actions of someone. I don't know if a normal relationship is supposed to be like that a not. Really, can't they have something like Relationship for Idiots or something. Tell me what's normal and what's not. What's screaming in your face to tell you that you are not suited for each other. or maybe everything will work out if you try to tolerate each other, or just because of love. Is that really so? What if you really do try to tolerate, out of love and whatever, but to only realise that you can't take it anymore 10 years later after you get married and stuff. Wouldn't that be terrible? you can still says it's not too late. There's divorce and stuff. BUT wouldn't it be better if people don't get blinded by love and see more clearly 10 years ago? Seriously, there's a variety of opinions on this. As much as I want to tolerate out of love, but knowing myself. this is almost impossible, especially in the long term. It's not that I didn't try..I tried. I really tried. I put my heart into it. Allowed it to be vulnerable to all these. I do agree that there are times where you will feel that you are the most happy person on earth. There will definitely be happy times. But, is it really normal to have a fair share of sad, painful times too? It's like when you think back, it is harder to retrieve those happy memories than the sad ones.

He told me what past has passed, what's important is the future. I really wanted to trust him on that. But I can't help thinking..Isn't that what I have told myself in the past? Isn't that what he told me when he first broke my heart? Isn't that what he told me during our subsequent arguments? I tried to just forgive and forget. Tried to just forget whatever had happened, whatever we were arguing about. It worked.it allowed us to move on...but..scars were left behind. All it takes is just one incident to rip open all the scars and remind you of the pain that you once experienced. But there's a numbing effect to it. It makes you numb to everything. Numb to love, numb to his apologies, numb to whatever he is trying to do to make you happy and accept him again. I don't know if I was affected by the loss of my grandmother, but this numbing effect it had, allowed me to see clearly what's really going wrong. It's none of our fault. All I want to say is that it's not your fault or mine that our personalities/characters/whatever is the root of all problems we are facing. I really wish this could be any easier for us to solve it and live happily ever after. but apparently it does not. And I really do not know any other ways to solve this. all I wanted was happiness. simple yet hard to get.

Interestingly, there's two sides to the coin...As much as I thought we are not suited for each other, he told me that he thought I was the right one for him. At that point of time, I was thinking..really? After all this that has happened? He made me doubt myself, my choice, my love for him. That troubled me quite a bit that night. It's not that I was undecided or regretted my choice, but I just can't help thinking if I made the right choice. It's terrible, making a choice to hurt someone.

I know he has given me a lot, loved me a lot, put in a lot for this relationship. I saw his change (slightly), it's not that I was totally blind towards it. That was the reason why I tried to forgive and forget previously. I thought, and almost convinced myself that it will be better, such things might not happen again. But, well, having something so rooted like character as the root of the problem, it's almost impossible to solve. The only solution is to tolerate. But how much can one tolerate. Can one tolerate that much pain because of love? Isn't love suppose to bring happiness? Isn't love means happily being together? Why would one want to put oneself through so much pain because of love? Was I wrong to just stop and reconsider, maybe he's not the right one for me?

What has been done cannot be undone. So shall move on...

Ages..

2009-08-13T02:07:00.001-07:00

It's been ages since I blogged. Yes, after the 'ages', I'm finally back in Singapore for my long awaited 3 months summer holiday. Didn't realise how much I missed home until I am finally home. Loves the feeling of being back home. The realistic feel of it...finally was no more just a dream. I remembered while I was in UK, I would dreamt that I am back in Singapore, my very own room, sleeping on my very own bed, hugging my dearest bolster. Goodness. You will never imagine that you can miss something that simple that much. So, in short, ya, I do misses home very much and am really glad to be back home.

Although I am finally happily back home, just as I thought I could start enjoying my holiday in a relaxing manner...then came a sequence of events. First, H1N1. Because of this, our initial plan of going to KL was postponed one week after. Meeting up with friends and relatives was slightly affected too due to the 'quarantine order' imposed onto me by some. Though the customs officer has personally told me that people coming for the UK are not on HQO (Home quarantine Order) at that point of time. Oh well, what can I say. Just play safe I guess. And so my KL trip was postponed.

Finally, a week later, I went to KL to visit my grandparents. And great. The first stop in KL after 9 months was the hospital. My uncle and auntie suspected my grandfather was suffering from a stroke, hence rushed him to the hospital. The stroke was mild as I, fortunately, managed to talk to my grandpa for a while. That was the last time I heard his voice. Initially, the doctor sent him home as it was not a very serious stroke. We too then went back to Singapore the next morning.

A few days later, my grandfather was admitted to the hospital again. Due to the stroke, he contracted pneumonia. My mother then went to KL, leaving me to take care of the house. Well, those were the days, that I put my culinary skills to use (finally). Not exactly fantastic I would say, edible's the word. Shortly after, the doctors in KL claimed there were nothing they could do and the best was to send my grandfather home. The news, brought tears to my mum...as in other words, what the doctors meant was that to wait till Death claims him. She called us, and we went to KL, to see my grandfather for the one last time. He was there lying on the bed in his room, breathing hard. You can see how his chest thrusted upward as he took in each breathe. The entire family was present at his bedside, accompanying him on his last journey of life. We took pictures, we hugged him, kissed him, talked to him. He cried as we called him, tears rolled down his cheek even though he could not open his eyes. His condition seemed stable on the next day too. Hence, we decided to leave KL on Sunday as kids have school whilst the adults have work.

Hence, on Sunday, we all left.

On Monday morning, he passed away peacefully.

We went KL to attend his funeral.

It's hard to accept the loss of someone so dear. I remembered talking to him on the phone while I was eating my catered dinner in Southampton, walking around in the Louvre in Paris, resting at the ski resort in Argentiere.. He kept asking when I'm coming back to see him. I remembered the day he was at the hospital where I held his hand and told him I'm back. The smile on his face was unforgettable.

Before I left for the UK, he said to me that he was afraid that he was unable to live that long to see me come back. At that time, shocked by what he said, I told him 'Touch wood! You will definitely lead a long life..long enough to see me not only next year, to see me graduate..you will live for very long, so don't worry.'

Life's really unpredicatable.

After my grandpa's funeral, my grandmother came to Singapore for two weeks. For these two weeks, we were busy. Though tired, I was really glad she came out as I got to spend more time with her before I fly back to the UK. Losing one grandparent was enough to teach me to treasure my other 2 grandparents even more.

And great, now, when the storm is finally residing...I am down with this stupid tonsillitis which is hurting my throat like mad. And the consultation fees on public holidays is ridiculous.

8am to 12pm: $26
12pm to 6pm: $31

Why does the time has to do with the consultation fees. Do not give me the obvious answer of making money. It is unethical to raise the consultation fees in this manner. The consultation fees on a public holiday is already higher to start with, as compared to a normal non-public holiday ($18). Since, there is already an increment, I don't see the need to increase it further due to timing between morning and afternoon. Ridiculous. I literary can hear every patient complain about the cost they are paying after they collected their medicine.

Oh well, what to do..they are the only 24 hr clinic in Yishun. Monopoly I guess. but still unethical.

So what am I doing now?

I'm now resting at home, hoping my tonsillitis will go away after taking the antibiotics, eating lots of lozenges to numb the soreness. And maybe, due to boredom, I suddenly had the urge to blog what happen during my precious 3 months holiday, which seems to be ending soon...in around 1 month time..goodness.

He passed away the next day morning.

in southampton!

2008-10-03T16:47:00.001-07:00

hey hey, I'm in Southampton now! haha. time really flies. have been here for 2weeks already. Everything's fine except the weather's a bit cold.
actually not a bit. sometimes very cold-..- especially when the wind blow. The wind is like super chilly and icy.Other than that when there's sun, it's rather nice, coz it's like sunny yet cold. like u're living in a glass house. haha, quite nice actually. ;) o and the food serving here is like super big. haha, eating too much causes indigestion and well, i tink that's wat happened to me. but overall, the western food taste nt bad..haha. the indian food that is even more imba. It may be due to the fact that we are all having the same mindset that we cant eat this anywhere in uk that makes it more delicious. well, the more rare it is, the more u crave for it. haha. humans are like that. never satisfied. haha
anyway, ya, then gt Keith as my personal tutor. Oh well, from the first meeting i can conclude that he really liek singapore. why leh? coz he bo liao bo liao will shoot out the word' singapore' and then look at us. and most of the time we are nt really listening. so I and baopeng like dunno if it's a qns to be answered or juz a statement. haix. juz made a fool out of ourselves. so paiseh. coz we seem soooo blur. haha
hmm, the campus is damn big. haha, the one thing i have done a lot in uk is to walk, walk, walk and WALK. but interetingly, u dun feel as tired as it wld be in s'proe as the weather is quite cooling and you don't sweat even if u have been walking for 8 hours. haha. interesting. but of coz, ur legs feel super suan after that.

hmm, i'll stop here for today. go my facebook to see my pics;)

:(

2008-08-15T08:16:00.000-07:00

honestly, i do still feel the heartache of losing my dream:( really. i tot it wld be much lesser as time pass. but it juz got more as days passed and my date of leaving approaches.. i didnt want to admit, but really, deep down inside my heart, i'm damn envious of those studying medicine:((

a turn

2008-06-23T08:30:00.000-07:00

well, who would have guessed i'll go in a direction that i myself have not expected it at all. at first i didnt thought much of it. then everything seems so fated that i did not even have the chance to resist it or know of anyway to stop all these from happening. I wasn't happy at all initially. To me, there's nothing to be happy about. In fact, it came to me as a burden, like it is forcing me to give up on my dream. as reluctant as I may be, i came to realisation that it is not bad afterall. so, this is it. I've decided, and people who know me well enough will know that i'm someone who sticks to my decision through. so...guess i'll definitely miss my peeps in spore.

something to confess...something that i dont want and cant bear to say out loud in front of my parents who seems really in favour of my current decision. ............a part of me didnt want to give up on my dream...and this little piece of me is still holding onto hope coz i know i will lose this piece forever once i give up pursuing my dream:(

ironically, what makes me takes up the scholarhip is due to what i have learnt from my failure: no matter how well you planned, no matter how much effort u can put in, things just don't turn out the wa you want them to be..since there are so many unforeseen circumstances that may happen, i should just grab whatever opportunity that arises and just go along with fate's arrangement. I dont want to take the risk anymore and end up juz a sci grad who cant make it into med. I have to admit, though i tried hard not to think of it that way, there was a point that i find that all my efforts and hardwork were in vain and how helpless it feels. the feeling really sucks and i soemtimes do hate myself for it. That's why i say, when my dream is lost, so will that part of me.

but well, on the brighter side, i'm really tempted by the overseas life. sound interesting. and one thing: i get to start afresh:D nt haunted by my stupid failures by studying in nus. think it's a good change anyway. and i would still enjoy my future job since it invovles people rather than lab mice and microscopic cells. haha.

imagine life as a long road...u know your destination...but somehow there is a road block...u cant get to the place u want...u wanted to go for the detour..as u are about to go for the detour...suddenly u discovered a new route that can take u to a place quite near the place u wanted to go..u are at the intersection, thinking to change your destination instead since u know that the detour will take a much longer time to reach the destination and who knows ,there may be another road block...hence after much thought, u decided to change destination and take the new route instead. So did I.

argh

2008-04-28T17:31:00.000-07:00

ok, i want to scream at myself again. WHAT THe HELL AM I DOiNG? I CAN'T EVEN ANSWER SIMPLE QNS!?IT'S LIE A QNS FOR ME TO FLAUNT LAH, BUT I DIDNT!?TOO CAUGHT OFF GUARD..
argh...sad:(((

what m i doing?

2008-04-27T05:24:00.001-07:00

TIFFANy CHEW?! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?!
haix, i seriously want to scream this at myself. felt so screwed with my med essay test. argh. the mroe i tot of it, the more it seems so irrelevant to the qns. totally miss the point i wld say.

wish me luck for 2mlw's interview bah.

persistence?

2008-03-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

Disappointing results. That's all I can say about my A's. Learning to stand after such a hard fall wasn't easy. Despair, misery, the pain of possibly losing one's dream,I experienced them all on that fateful day.I felt so pathetic. There were lots of 'hows' and 'whys' running on my mind. A part of me did not want to believe that the results I had received was reality. It felt like the whole world came crushing down. But, luckily, that was for that one day.And a bit of the next day too. What really encouraged me to stand back up on my feet was really unexpected. It was a simple postcard stuck onto the cupboard in the AMK clinic.
'The world has not ended, Hang in there!' picturing a globe with someone hanging there.

And then, as I was thinking about the meaning of my failure, well, another phrase on another postcard had the answer. 'Failure keeps you humble' Well, that's true, in the sense that I felt that all my self-confidence had shattered on the day I received my results. But that phrase just struck a chord in me, maybe I had been too ambitious, thinking everything will go well as planned, as I had imagined it would be.

Somehow, I had the fortune of seeing phrase that struck chords in me that I think they could be played into a melody. haha, kidding. Why I say so is because, just as I was lamenting over how can I possibly score so much worst than the majority, I saw a write-up written by my mother on Daisaku Ikeda's words.

"Do not compare yourself with others. Be true to who you are, and continue to learn with all your might." Well, I admit, that struck the loudest chord in me as the main reason to why I was lamenting and mentally-torturing myself is because I fared much worse than the others, and I had been expecting a lot from myself. Hence the pressure, the disappointment and the resentment.

These timely phrases cleared my mind, brought me out of my own miseries. So for now, I'm going to do whatever it takes to get me into NUS Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine:D

But,I have a problem now, should I go for alternatives? Or should I persist on my dream? Should I give up my dream? All these keep running over and over. It is really not my usual self to be so lost in what to do. I don't want to give up my dream, but I fear that the harsh practical reality may just hinder that from occurring. The outcome that many people had cautioned me about, the scenario in which I do not get accepted into anything. It makes me feel so lost to what I should do. But one thing for sure, I'm going to try for Medicine, no matter what my parents say, what my relatives say, what my friends say, for I know that if I were to forgo the opportunity to even try, I will regret for life. And this is definitely not my style of handling matters, to give up without even trying. And one thing I have learnt from my downfall, " You don't fail when you fail, you fail when you give up" hence, failure comes only when one has given up on oneself. That was what suddenly struck me while filing cards at causeway point. Haha, my places of inspiration are interesting:D

well, wish me luck:)

new year.new start.new beginning.

2008-01-05T05:01:00.000-08:00

After months of hibernation, i didnt know that the next time i blog it would be in 2008. Time does really flies. Two months ago, i was still mugging my life away, spending every minutes n seconds i have with my lecture notes n my dear HYK txt bk. And then, A' levels came and went. Blunders i had made along the way were costly. I would give whatever it takes to correct them, but sadly, what have been done is done, and can't be un-done, so the only thing i can do is close my eyes and pray hard -.-

On the lighter note, yay, finally there's no more studying to do at least for now! :) that's worth celebrating. haha. Anyway, started work with Raffles Medical Group@causeway point as a clinical assistant. Well, the first few days are a bit boring, where i feel like a postman in a clinic. All the filing and tracing of cards, and the numbers on the cards. After 2 days of filing n tracing, i thought i saw numbers (such as my i/c no.) hovering in the air-..- well, things start to get a bit interesting as well as complicated as days passed. learned quite a handful of stuff, such as registering, dispensing medicine, doing physical checkups, urine test, pregnancy test, ecg, etc. i like doing the ecg coz u really get to interact with the patient:) Through these little conversation, u get to assure them, learn a bit more at them, laugh with them, haha, juz brighten up one's day. haha, well, that's provided u dun get a difficult patient. but so far, it's still manageable i guess. The pple at causeway point are nice too.I do have to admit, some of them may b a little irritating at times, but overall they are quite nice lah, at least they did not scold or shout at me when i made mistakes. hmm, i tink i'm staring to like my job. i used to hate it on the first few days. I thought i shldn't have given up the job as a research assistant with NUS paediatrics, or i shld have heeded mr hoe's advice. But well, managed to convinced myself to stay on the track;) for the nxt 5 mths to come. O, n working in a clinic really need one to have excellent immune system, or else one will fall sick very easily and for quite long-..- like what happen to me. even my collegue who is also a temp worker got sick too. so she juz proved my point, i'm nt the only one. even enen caught it too. heard tt valerie got it too. see, frankly speaking, a clinic isn't a very conducive place to work in.

And recently this year, a rj student joined us. haha, she's quite nice, n finally i have some1 who is of my age to tok to. a bit deprived of tt when u work tt. Her name is zi ying and she's taking the same subject combi as me, exactly the same with 3 chem. haha, reminiscing a'levels isnt exactly wonderful, but quite fun to talk abt as we complain to each other how weird the questions are, u know, the usual stuff u tok abt after an exam. haha. o ya n she's a sailer.cool huh.

o ya, n shld tok abt the meet-up with en, really tks for the card! it's really very nice n i like it a lot. i even have the pic as my hp wallpaper:D thks worzz n thks for the prez too:D o, then we went to soup spoon @ raffles place. i bought some mushrom soup while en bought some tokyo chicken stew. lol. and as they gave us different bread to go along with the soup, well, we swaped n tried, and clearly, the type of bread they gave us certainly go best with the specific soup we ordered. haha.i was so tempted to try the bloody looking beef soup unil en dissuaded me to.haha went to ben n jerry after sitting at soup spoon for dunno how long. did a lot of catching up with each other;) well, we shld meet up more often.haha

ok, it's a rather long post now, hmm, mayb i shld insert some of the pics i have taken over these few mths. sadly, i cant upload from my cam directly coz the reolution too big, hence the file size. so if any of u reading my blog know how to resize them, please tell me abt it. thks! Right after bio mcq @ mind's cafe. the uno stacko had reached its maximum height! proudly constructed by me n en:D en act cute at class chalet. haha my card rotated 90 degrees. a treestrong production by en:)

o, n i went on ducktour with my uncle n his family on the night of new year eve for countdown n the fireworks. it really rocks to view the fireworks on the water. so upclose:D this is the best new year countdown i ever had! here's the video..hope it's working..

my bday in 2007 was also well-spent with my family..haha..love them lots:))
so all in all, bye-bye 2007!!

Farewell....

2007-10-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

Well, we had our farewell assembly today. It was good, the atmosphere was right, and i seriously thinks that this yr's house comm n sc are quite good too. The skit house comm have put up is super funny. the way sc is promoting sdd is rather interesting too.
they make the whole thing sounds so cool. lol. Anyway, our teachers put up some performances too. wah, i'm impressed with the multi-talents of our teachers. haha.
especially, 2day's drummer, it was quite unexpected. Love vjc:D

After the special ct session, we started to camwhore, as usual:). tink it has become some form of addiction. lol. Anyway, we took a lot of pics, which i'll try to upload as soon as possible. o ya, our class really rocks sia:D A big thks to the guys who made the class video, it's IMBA:D will definitely miss all the 38-ers;) It really came as a surprise. haha, coz before this i n en were thinking to make a class video after A's... haha, but they made it so nice and funny, that, well that's the best video i ever watched. so close to heart too. haha. i'm feeling emo:D

After that, we went thaipan for class lunch. haha. first time eating chili kang kong:D haha, i tink nobody know abt that. but anyway, that was becoz of the game of 'zhong ji mi ma' where, dear meifang juz cut the number so nicely that the next no. juz tio me. haha. anyway, it's not bad lah. the 'cha pa lang' beef fried rice. haha. butter squid rocks!

Sometimes, i cant help and feel that, lucky i didnt go to rj. I tink that if i were to go there, all these memories, all these people.. wouldnt be part of my life. Really, though jc life kinda equals to no life, it is all these people who have really made jc bearable n in fact, best part of my life. Now i really can say with no regrets, that i have really made the right choice in coming to vj.:D

VJ VJ CCccccc. nil sine laboure;)
06s38 simply rocks!

prelims prelims prelims...

2007-09-24T09:05:00.000-07:00

Usually, this post will begin with this,"Haven't been bloggin for ages.." or " it's been a long time since i blogged" so on and so orth. That just proves how seldom i blog.
Anyway, after strenuous and incessant mugging, prelims is finally over. Not that i'm exactly happy it's over since i screwed it up quite badly, the thought of being able to take a break is so enticing and self-compensating that well, i'm willing to let go of my unhappiness and indulge in all i can. just for these few days, specifically, only tomorrow. School starts on wed. sad life. my only day of holiday.

To achieve one's goals, obstacles of all sort will be faced. The solution is to face them, overcome them and only will then one will learn and grow. And eventually, achieve one's goals. never give up:)

at least that wat i tell myself.
sometime the tiredness is so overwhelming that one will feel like giving up n subject to temptations. like wat i occassionally did. and i realised somehow it's a form of escapism and overcompensating for the stress one is feeling. this is so not me. being unable to resist temptations.:(
it's like some kind of inner devil eating one inside out. peng~

Jia you everybody:D prelims over!

i'm stpid

2007-07-17T06:06:00.000-07:00

haix. horrible results. it just smacks me in the face thath maybe i dont have the brains at all. sickening. my results are always so stagnant. and great. i seriously do not think that blaming it on religion practices is a sane method to make myself feel less guilty. at least that's the output my mum is blaming so far. saying that i did not pray hard enough. saying that i did not chant long enough. for goodness' sake. u cant juz rely on buddha to get u ur As. i agree that luck plays a part sometime.but i know that, and honestly, i really do each of my prayers sincerely.
so stop blaming me for that. it's the quality not the quantity that matters.

on a lighter note, i understand why my mum did that lah. it's juz pain her to see her daughter getting all stressed up and yet didnt manage to produce the results she expected.

but, juz one point to make, not that it's pointless to study, but it is faith that keeps u going on, some hope there u know. saying that i did not pray sincerely enough, is just denying all that i have put in.

sadness.resentment.helpless. :(

some thoughts.

2007-06-13T05:10:00.000-07:00

As my laziness kicks in, this blog has been left untouched for ages. haha. anyway, juz finished the attachment at imh 2dae. thought-provoking experience i must say.
for eg. yesterday, though i reach hm super late after cal
's bday celeb, well, i tried to discuss my future with my mum. As in the other options i may consider as my career. hmm, though i havent really come to a conclusion yet. i foun out 2day that in jiaming have the same type of mother. lol. guess wat's my mum's response when i asked her to give me her opinions.

Mum:" aiya, u face the Gohonzon and chant lah. then u will know what are ur other choices if you really cannot make it into medicine"
Tiff: "-..-"

haha. actually, wat was really running thru my mind was my plan of having a 'back-up plan' which is damn impt especially in considering a competitive course in medicine where only 230 out of duno how many thousands are selected. so wat if i fail? hmm, it never really come across to me to have a backup plan until like last yr during my attachment at gleneagles. sometimes, one juz get so blinded by one's own desire.

so, i tried the method: elimination. :D
Basically, i tink, wat i really wanted in life is to lead one filled with purpose and meaning. i dun want to be the slave of money, leading my whole life as a money-grabber, and to end up with nothing since literally u cant bring ur money with u into ur grave. haha.

hmm,i'll stop here lah, need to go bk to my intensive mugging plan which will be ruined if i dun stop typing now.

Cognito ergo sum I think, therefore i am.
the ability to think proves one's existence. losing it equates to disappearing from the surface of Earth = non-existence. but although, one is lost in his/her own world, as in being 'non-existent' in the real world, the physical presence that still exists will be treasured by his/her loved ones. At least you are still alive, and living. Life is just so precious and fragile.

end

2007-05-19T19:30:00.000-07:00

Everything has fially come to a closure. Resonance 9 ended ytd. all the hard work we have put in, the commitments and everything, paid off:) somewhow, after for being busy for so long, to be freed suddenly is definitely to cause some to feel lost and empty. haha, but nonetheless, i'm seriously going to miss the times i have with vjc harmonica band. u guys rocks:D especially section 3, where all the fun is. haha. the immense hours of bridging, slacking, octave blowing and crapping. bet nobody else will experience the same thing. haha. get to know a lot of people thru harmoc, who juz make your life even more exciting and colorful. get to know some of the teachers better too. mr. lee is super talented lah. can play the drum, the bass, n pro in harmoc too. well, though i doubt he wld see this. really a big thank you to him for helping the 'feng' people and the 'classic' people.

n to my class people: thanks for coming. coz of u guys, we played our hearts out for feng:D
to meifang, enen, ester, xiaoying: thanks for ur commitments, and really, sorry if sometimes i have made u guys feel bad in any ways.
to sin hwee, our pro violinist: thks for 'chuan-men-ing' :D
to agnes, the soloist: paiseh for always miscounting my beats. hahaha...anyway, u' re damn pro sia. and thks for giving me the chance to play the violin for ur solo. and to clar: u rocks lah. please coach me on piano someday. haha.
to the classic people: thkss a lot and really sorry that sometimes the meeting for practice knda screwed. haha. but nonetheless. section3 rocks:D and we rocks. esp to sirong: pai seh have to make u perform so 'last-minutely'. haha, but u're great lah.

well, i didnt know mr. wong came for the concert, until i, esther and enen met him during intermission. and i'm erm, wearing my black dress. so paiseh. damn weird lah.haha. juz damn weird for a teacher to see ur student in such attire. at least fomr the student's perspective. haha. tt's how i felt during my sec 4 prom nite too. when my form tcher gave me that look. hahahha. weird lah.

well, wanted to include this in the mc's speech but didnt manage to do so since they are already flooding with stuff...

the classic is dedicated to her, our beloved section leader, our friend, one who will always be remembered.

watever

2007-05-04T05:11:00.001-07:00

sickening.
i'm so fed up yet i cldnt type much abt it here.
tt's y i hate online blogging. the urge to tell someone rite into the face yet somehow have to resist it. SICKENING.

the feeling sucks.

it's a pretty sad case indeed. considering the no. of yrs of our friendship. Now, to tink of it, are those really whom i know? n frankly speaking, since when does money play such an important role in maintaining a friendship? Maintaining a friendship, is to interact with the person, wish the person happy birthday, spend time with the person,really get to know the person, being able to see the 'other' side of the person and not at facial value. Paying money for a present does not equal to maintaining a friendship. And it wouldnt really matter to me if I own singapore's central bank and start printing money. Will that guarantee that i will have all the friends i have known all along to be there to support me when i need them? A point to consider, money can't buy u true friendship. face it. money will juz strip these people's outer shell, to reveal their inner core. To allow u to see clearly who these people are.

Tink i've learnt a lot in jc, not only learnt, and experienced. Seriously, every struggle in life allows u to grow up. To be more sensible, to see life more clearly.
and to really treasure those who really deserve it:)

pw dinner

2007-05-01T07:54:00.000-07:00

yay, went for pw dinner juz now. macaroni n cheese very imba! n yup, we went kenny rogers..the food there not bad. haha..in fact, suntec city there seriously have a lot of nice food. it's juz a matter of u-know. haha. anyway, was quite stonish for no reason. tink was probably exhausted after lunching wif my relatives n waking up at 7.42 to do tut, not to mention i slept super early the night before-10.30pm le.only esther can beat tt..haha...dunno y leh, i keep feeling something is missing or not right 2dae...dun feel as shuang as i'm supposed to be feeling. weird weird weird. and great, my dear dad accidentally ironed over the prints of my tshirt. which i was abt to wear for the dinner..-..-....no mood sia...haha

but seriously i'm quite aware of my own silence. but it's fun to listen to others lah..haha..
sometimes, i find that people behave differently in front of different people. I do so sometimes too. and it's like u are controlling or rather presenting the image u want to present. even though it may not be you.

sad, we didnt take much photos...it's kinda weird too.cant explain y...but it's like quite gan ka. hahha...tink unless u have jason or rachel in ur grp, u wldnt go photowhoring. h, no lah, We are too sensible, and not-so-narcissist to go on photowhoring. hahaha

anyway, really miss having pw gatherings..haha..I.M the Future!!

tired. unable to let go.

2007-04-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

been really busy these days. BUT, i do belive my workload will be significantly reduced after this week. i hope. With SYF over, concert auditions and Speak Actually's finale and SPA skil CD, at alst, i can breathe again. ae, though that's one more econ test on fri, but i'll juz live for the moment, at least for 2day. damn tired after all the running around the sch (frantically) form one classroom to another, all the blowing of harmoc, racing against time so tt we can have at least sufficient pract to be able to perform. peng. felt so stretched 2day. pure madness. somewhow it's a blessing in disguise tt i missed the speech. though it meant tt i have wasted a whole nite on it -..-.......
anyway, yay, vjc harmoc got gold! though was a little disappointed tt we missed gold with hons...but, still there's only one sch with gold with hons. juz one. n in the jc category, there's only one gold, which is us:D we pwned hci, rj,n aj..muahahha....anyway, tt day started off quite badly. i was nearly late due to a last min stomache. then, when we were on stage, n the conductor's abt to start. guess wat. the drums set's not there. -..- lucky mr tang found out in time. or else it would be super malu to have to reply the thing. n definitely, we wouldnt be getting gold by then.

one more thing to yay abt.all my grps tt went for auditions got in!!! so happy tt i cldnt believe it's happening. yay, which mean we get to perform. look forward to it sia...the class one, the sec 3 one and the 'agnes' solo. hahahha. we rocks
it feel damn good when ur effort paid off.

kk, i gtg le, mus chiong tut.

trying hard to let it go. yet the mention of her....juz brings back heartache n tears that i tried forcing it bk to its tear ducts. this feeling sucks.

a new me.

2007-03-27T05:23:00.000-07:00

It's been ages since i have blogged. Wasn't really in the mood to blog for the past few weeks. A lot had happened since 9 Feb. seriously. a lot.
the pain of loss i have gone through have left its scar on me. maybe time will heal it. but really, a life lesson was learnt. To treasure, to cherish and not to regret. I'm glad i've made her my friend, and i have the chance to be her friend , to get to know her more than the others. It's really sad when there's the "hi and bye" friends. I must say i have no regrets and i'm really thankful that at least i've gt the chance to know her. Though this means it hurts even more, it in fact had made me stronger. I know the world would not stop spinning for me. There's no standstill in reality. Hence, the only way out is to move on. At least that's what i've been psychoing myself during the Common test period. That period seriously allow me to momentarily escape from reality, just to stay in a world of mugging. But, it was after that, i was forced to face reality, when thanh's sms came. It just smacked me in my face. But that was when i made a promise to myself and her, i will pick myself up and move on. That's the last time i should allow myself to wallow in my own pain.
And that was the last.
It wasnt easy, really. As i was walking pass tampines bus intercahnge today, memories flood back. I should have taken the bus wif her, though we always sms each other when we reach the interchange separately, to see whose bus is faster. lame right. haha. happy memories to hold on. for life.

fate.predestined.

2007-02-09T04:25:00.000-08:00

Today's the release of O's level results. Wish all the peeps taking o'levels good luck, and of coz to get into the institutions they want to go to. Last year, on this particular day, i could clearly rmb taking the mrt with cally. telling her how worried, how nervous i am. I wanted good results, i mean who wouldn't. lol. anyway. it's really quite scary to see how much time flies. it's like a snap of the fingers and 'boo' u'r in 2007 taking A'levels this year. the feeling is rather unpleasant i must say. Having a year passed so quickly that u barely have the time to think what exactly had happened.

Oh well, went for the Speak Actually workshop on Wednesday. It's quite good:). Though i kinda screwed up when it's my turn to speak. well, a fish bone stuck in ur throat doesnt exactly give u the mood to give a 1 min speech. And i realise there are some similarities with the fundaments of this workshop n the Adam khoo's workshop.Though this is so, of coz, this workshop really targets at how u do public speaking. How i wish we ad this workshop before op instead. However, during the 1 min speech, i really felt quite nervous in a way that it's like one of the extreme emotion i have experienced so far, even during OP, i wasn't half as nervous. To think of it, i tink it is mostly due to the fact that i need to be prepared b4 making a speech. Literally a prepared script. and of coz, being mentally prepared is impt. ok, the bottom line is: i'm bad at making impromptu speeches.

if it's predestined, one can't escape from it. if it's not, no matter how hard one tries, it just won't come. or one will juz miss it...somehow:(
*so near yet so far* this saying juz comes true sometimes.

yay! i've bot a digicam:D my baobei no. 2!! haha, can start photowhoring liao.this is madness!!!!

contd

2007-02-02T09:01:00.000-08:00

ok a continuation of the previous post-..-

anyway, went to Cassonaville children's home this afternoon. The environment's nice:) like a children's haven. i didn't know there's such an environment existing in Singapore. it looks like something that i would only see in tv, a place that i would only visualize as a place that is foreign(mayb somewhere in Hongkong?) haha. well, Mr. Gregory Goh then briefed us abt the basic rules of the home, and gave us an orientation around the home itself. well, David's aunt's a nun. i didnt know abt it till we reach there(tink rather, all of us didn't know abt it)lol. interesting. there again, due to my lack of exposure to the world, i tot these scenarios only existed in HK drama serial. Interesting isn't it? really hope i can make it for the tutoring scheme. coz my schedule nowadays is really serious packed.

On our way there, I and en discussed abt childhood violence. The thought of it is already disturbing. Can anyone imagine a kid killing one another? Though during my sec 3 n 4 yrs, i've been exposed to such materials, due to lit elect, i still tink that it is rather a major shift in paradigm that kids can be evil and are not as innoncent as they seem to be. However, the question is, are they born to be evil or is it becoz of the environment they are in?

pondering. but i do believe everyone born into this world started off as a clean sheet of paper. Whatever happen next very much depends on who's doing the painting, if u know what i meant.

JTs 07

2007-02-02T08:51:00.000-08:00

woah, just reached home after S38s' JTS @ Fish and Co.! haha, nice juniors we have. lol. always zi-highing, and lame. cute lah. haha. anyway. i, enen and xiaoying had like the meal of our life lah. SATURATION POINT! lol. can see that ene's going to burst anytime if she just eat one more mouthful of swordfish collar. oh man, tt fish's imba! collar damn big. it was so much bigger than we expected. lol, but we managed to clear it lah, 90% i say. haha good job! at least we didnt waste food. the thought of children at the other end of the world suffering from malnutrition, dying for starvation, juz compelled me to really cherish what i have now. including not wasting food. haha

lost

2007-01-27T03:12:00.000-08:00

Finally, SAT is FINALLY over. afer the strenuous 6 hrs paper (apparently), i really couldn't take it any longer. My back's aching, my eyes closing, i juz want to shut off and find some place to hibernate. (the library's couches is a recommended place:)
anyway, my energy level was way low my usual level. even now as i'm typing this entry, my brain's kinda half dead. the only thing keeping my alive is the noisy msn chat box.

Recent thoughts: i find mysef retreating, into a world of my own, i can literally feel myself closing up, like a flower that is like reversing its blooming. i will juz go into complete silence, become kinda reticent. i dunno why. perphaps, it's juz simply becoz yr 2's life is taking its toll on me.

i don't want to lose u, u and u. :(

i admit i sux sometimes

2007-01-07T05:53:00.000-08:00

i hate myself for my incompetency. i'm seriously not a leader:(. hate this sia.

found out

2007-01-05T05:39:00.000-08:00

i have confirmed my suspection. the 'entry-deleter' will occur when the post is too long. smart me. so i have broken my entry into 2. kinda stupid though.<--contradicting myself.. so a continuation of 4th jan's post.

After reading blah n blah's blog. i seriously wonder how many masked people are there out there? hose who always seem to be at the peak of their happiness meter, are they really there yet? or izzit just some cover? Though i do not doubt their source of unhappiness, as everybody faces it somehow in a way or another, but i belive that the devasting thought to end one's life due to the obstacles faced is just a stage that one can grow out of it, it's just a matter of time. One will grow out of it once they seen the fragility of life and the many hopes one can have of life.;)
i sincerely wish that 2007 wil be a better year for all and of course, good luck to my batch of A'level students who will be muggin away for the rest of the year!
MUGGER ROCKS!

1st post of 2007

2007-01-04T00:02:00.000-08:00

A sudden urge to blog seem to wipe me away from my bed and station myself infront of my laptop. a rare occasion, considering the fact that i have been hibernating (as in my blog) since dunno how many decades ago. Due to my hectic schedule and sad to say, laziness, i had missed blogging on important occasions, namely the festive seasons. I did not blog on my birthday, which is also christmas. I did not blog on New Year Day, the start of 2007, the start of a marathon that i'm going to run right now( a'levels-.-). My list of 'did-not's just go on, as i had already come up with a few as i'm typing this entry.

well, to make full use of the blog, i would like to thank my dear friends and family members for the prez and well wishes i had received.
A big hugz to freeze, really miss u guys. A big thank you for the presents! love them sia! one of my best gifts for this year! haha
Thanks to meifang for the prez and also 06S38 for the present. xie xie xie xie
haha, and one big thks to zhu tai for the smelly 'foot'-note n shower gel. hahaha. i pinned the 'foot with black toenails' on my board leh..act gothic...haha
Thanks everyone who passed me gifts, wished me happy bday! sorry if i left out anyone. but to those who are reading, here's one big THANK YOU!

dunno lah

2006-12-16T06:39:00.002-08:00

to think of it, i seriously dunno what i want. lol. Haven't really thought through it. as in like i know what i want, like bags, watches, slippers, jackets, so on and so forth. but, it's like i wont really have one specifically in my mind. a specific design or watsoever. haha. tink i seldom take note of such stuff bah. NO LIFE SIA. haha, tt's jc life i guess. Everything's so fast-paced, that u wouldnt have the time to stop and tink of what u want. let alone these material pleasures.
haha.
so sian, that stpid blooger deleted my last entry, duplicated the one with the quiz result. Juz how much blogger rocks-..-

i'll stop here liao, too lazy to carry on.

o ya, and i seriously recommend thi book, The memory keeper's daughter by kim edwards. it's very touching sia. nice book:) though i haven't finish reading it, i was nearly moved to tears while reading it in the mrt. haha, emo me.

replacement

2006-12-14T07:49:00.000-08:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:

You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is medium.
You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.
But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

well, since my haven't-publish-but deleted entry was deleted by this wonderful blog hosting web: blogspot, i shall replace it with this test. coz i'm seriously oozing with sianness.

i want!

2006-11-27T02:32:00.000-08:00

yay! went into the OT 2dae..saw a shoulder arthroscopy. Some repair work of the ligament. interesting. haha. first time, i spent my hols meaningfully.lol.
lolx, some freak incident. as i put on the sterile shoes n walked to the changing room, i felt something pricking in my shoe..so...i nearly hecked care it, LUCKILY I DIDN'T. IT was some kind of nail sticking out lah. oh man. damn heng sia. or else i would be like having a bloody foot sole. o ya..and while in the OT, as i was observing around, a doctor suddenly signal to me to help pull the cloth or something, haha, he didnt realise that i was a student lah. but since i was like too engrossed in observing wat they are doing to the patient, i didnt really catch his cue haha, so he did it by himself.lol. After that, a sister (senior staff nurse) approached me and ask where i come from. after some explanation, she then ask me to get a pass from a person 'sitting outside' . lol..the way she described it damm funny lah. so, i went along with what she say. after reaching the reception desk, i turned bk n looked a thought juz struck me. "Ae, which operating theatre did i come from har?" LOL..i was like oh dear...should have taken note as i walked out. dots sia. anyway, heng again, as i was signing in, a nurse asked me if it was my first time here. so, i answered yes. so she led me to the right OT :D..haha.heng sia

got another op 2mlw, yay!..haha..Dr. Chan say that it will be interesting as they wil b using x ray to perform a surgery on the hip bone, using bone cement? sound interesting right? lol. cant wait to see it. o ya, n i juz realised that paediatrician n paediatric surgeon are 2 different specialty. a little noob lah. anyway, 2day's really a meaningful day:D

if there's a wil, there's a way

2006-11-26T04:35:00.000-08:00

If there's a will, there's a way. That's my life motto. anyway, yay!! i'm going into the ot 2mlw!! excited sia~ ae, nothing much to blog abt leh, since i spent 2 days watching korean drama..nice leh:D
haha..tink i'm seriously down with procrastination. didnt manage to finish maths and econs! still stuck at the first page!!!!dots lah. i'm really CMI.

kk i'll stop here, really damn bored.

like u never existed.

2006-11-22T19:35:00.000-08:00

stupid blogger, deprived me of blogging for so many days. o ya, shall tok abt my hospital attachment. it's a failed arrangement i must say. attaching us to wards on the first 2 days isn't exactly brilliant. though this is so, i dont deny that i didnt learn anything at all. from the attachment, i have learnt how the hospital works, as in how the wards function tt kind of thing. how the nurses works. lolx.i must say we had our fun exploring the wards, esp. the clean utility room. lolx. and saw how the docs in private practice work. haha. cushy life they say. haha. however. tink after seeing how they work, how they handle patients, how the patients thank them for what they have done to help them. it spurred me on more to become a doc. haha..hope i can achieve my goal someday, somehow. anyway, the docs warned us abt how tough a doc's life is, the risks they have to take, so on n so forth. well, u never know if u can handle such until u try and one can always adapt . tt's one ability of the human race: the ability to adapt to the ever-changing circumstances which has ensured our survival in today's world.

haha, wish the ocip peeps all the best n bon voyage~
it seems that u never existed

dun like mathspouts

2006-11-16T05:19:00.000-08:00

seriously, maths is my worst sub. i cant believe i cldnt do such simple questions. Staring at that piece of maths paper for so many days with no answers isnt motivating at all. lol.
I SHALL PIA LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW! as if. tink wat i meant was to Slack like there's no tomorrow instead...
-..-

i wonder.

2006-11-15T07:11:00.000-08:00

is 2mlw such an auspicious day? why does everything have to clash on the same day?

argh, dunno how lah.

"if you see the inner beauty, the outer will pale into insignificance"
-Mahatma Gandhi

pw over!

2006-11-14T06:45:00.000-08:00

PW's over! though this is worth celebrating, a part of me really miss the days we had together. the times we spent pia-ing report tght throughout the night, our super looong online meetings wif mr hoe, it's like 5 person working 2wards the same goal. the NGs we have, the delicious food john's mother prepared...Oh man..i juz cant bear to let them go n immersed into a part of my memory. for once i want to scream that i juz want more of PW..haha..so emo, i nearly cried ytd lah. haha, VJ065 rocks!! IM tHE FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL ROCKS!

lol. i love vj065:D

anyway, en coming to my hse 2mlw..lol..my hse's still as messy as ever. havent arrange yet. den my stupid destop com sot diao liao. cant even on...sian!

sian

2006-11-10T20:15:00.000-08:00

i dunwan to do i n r lah..it's pure sianness! i've been 'staring' at it the whole night! not to mention i took some peeks at the tv set too. but tt's not the point. the point is tt i seriously dunno wat to write. SIAN lah. there is oso a stupid tesimonial awaiting for me. why cant it be the techers write n we shall look thru n edit accordingly?;) it's an insightful n innovative approach, isn't it?

juz switched to blogger beta. i wonder wats the diff. dots.

anyway, celebrated xue's bday on thurs nite. went to seoul garden. it's damm ex lah please, n not much variety there too. hmm. but i still enjoy myself lah. haha.i'll never forget how i have eaten THREE bowls of keropoks while waiting or the meat to be cooked. oh man. but the keropoks are seriously nice:D. lol. i miss u guys.

anyway, MONDAY's the big day! Tuesday shall be the day where my misery ends and freedom is bestowed on us 38-ers!!!! cant wait for tt day to come. but contradictingly, i fear for monday to come. scared i screwed up everything.

5 things to fear:

1. zaO-Sia-ing
2. Forget the lines
3. Provide an answer that don't answer the question without knowing that it don't answer the question
4. Don't know the answer
5. Listen to the quesion wrongly

OH MAN!! SOMEBODY PLEASE SAVE ME!! i'm kana eaten by my fears liao lah.

instead of saying pw sux, i shall declare my love for it..I LOVE PW!! PW ROCKS!;) *cross fingers*

i must be crazy

2006-11-05T04:10:00.000-08:00

oh man, my han yi pin ying really digress liao. 'bu yong jin' i tot is 'bu yong jing' . LOL..i cant blieve it sia..haha

m i crazy? i tink so, i must be mad liao. mad to stay up the whole night to watch kdrama. but, IT IS SUPER NICE lah. haha, no regrets:D

anyway, i find that my intellectual efficiency is quite low sia. haha, it's like my brain can stop functioning.argh.

n i realised tt i use the word 'stupid' sometimes too excessively. even in circumstances tt i dont mean it that way. haix. that stupid word juz pop out of my mouth. help! izzit some kind of syndrome?

how i wish i was born into a world without pw:)

nike craze

2006-11-03T05:01:00.000-08:00

argh. i juz dont like blogger. it had deleeted dunno how many of my 'haven't-click-the-pulish-post' button entries. thanks lah. i hate retelling or rather, retyping what i had typed. it feels juz so stupid to do so.

anyway, had class outing 2dae:D. had fun cycling though there are quite a few accidents along the wayo.O...our class pple seems so accident-prone. haha.

saw zhuo jie 2dae at the 36 bus stop. haha. i seldom meet pple from my sec 4 class. lolx. not so qiao.

o ya, timO's concoction rocks. hahha.. never knew ice lemon tea + sprite is so nice...lol..i always tot tt adding lemon tea to ur fizzy drink is forbidden as the drink will turn out horrible. haha. ICE LEMON TEA + SPRITE is a MUST TRY!

haix.dreads pw lah. it's like draining life out of me. sian sian sian.

blog nxt time~ b4 that stupid blogger KO and delete this entry.

nike SUX

2006-10-28T19:51:00.000-07:00

We had a university panel discussion yesterday. Looking back, time had seriously grown wings and it flies~. i still remember the days when i juz enter Anderson Secondary School, despite of my so-so PSLE results, i managed to enter that sch. It is the place where i've made so many good friends, met good teachers like mr. eric tay, mrs. teresa lim, mdm wong, etc. the list juz goes on.

so emo now...

haha...anyway, the panel discussion kinda ermm, boring. the speakers lack the variation of tone, muahah, too much OP makes one critical about presentation skilss. lol. we went for class lunch after that. so, where's our class lunch for this time? at the same old place....PARKWAY PARADE.
at the fourth floor or something where the uncle always shoot us with the annoyed look. lol.

anyway, went to city link mall after tt to meet des, nd to get adobe photoshop. FOR THE SAKE OF PW. haha, he looked quite different in tcc uniform.

went to the nikeshop at raffles city to enquire abt the progress of the shoe assessment thing. N great, tt salesman guy told me something like this: "the sole of your shoes looks a little worn off. they are running some test on it". WTH. are u insinuating that i lied and ran 7.8 km around with the shoe before coming to u guys and asking u all to take a look at the quality of the shoe instead. watever it is, for ur info, i'm not even a runner or something. i only walked with that pair of shoes and played floorball and fris-ball in them ONCE during PE. ADmit it lah. the quality of the shoes SUCKS.

after tt, we went dhoby gaut to meet the others. lol. the girls went shoping abt while the guys stoned at yoshi.typical scenario. haha. anyway, they then went cathay to buy tix. i and jiaming decided not to follow them. BUT we went in the end lah. haha..coz the nooby want to go cathay and take a look:D. ahahha.The place is quite nice, especially the BEN n JERRY, it's like super cosy and nice lah.

walked bk to ps later. lolx. got so enticed by the delicious ben and jerry ice-cream, tt we decided to get a ice-cream too. haha. but got so cheated by the STRATIACELLA which is basically vanilla and chocolate chips.lol

i'll stop here lah. blog nxt time.

i sux

2006-10-26T05:40:00.000-07:00

yucks. i'm so dead lah. my presentation skills juz sucks. tink i'm the worst presenter in my pw group.

*worried*

sorry

2006-10-22T09:17:00.000-07:00

oh man i wasted like 3/4 of my day watching tv lah
i'm juz soo slackish.
tried to finish my script..finished but the last part's kind of slipshod job. too sian n tired of pw liao.

sometimes, it's juz weird to why i cldnt hold a decent converse wif some people. cldnt really tink of a reason. the ideas dont link, n i'm juz pure laggy. weird weird weird.

n i tink i pissed someone off ytd....felt bad but i'm not exactly in the wrong though..haha... how how how.

bu zhi dao lah..

heartache

2006-10-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

we had farewell assembly for mrs chan today. she was Anderson's principal, but left for VJC in the year of 2001. the year i entered Anderson. Now she's leaving VJC, also in the year i entered the college. sad. She's a really nice principal. The life force of VJC.

anyway, the teachers performed a song for mrs chan, a song they penned themselves. quite cool, isn't it. the song is nice n i really cant belive my eyes when i see the chem lecturer strumming an electric guitar. haha. unexpected. tink i judge people too much on based on their looks. lol.

GO west, out of VJC~
Go west, to be the new DD~

met up with uncle teck seng for lunch today:) boy, we really did quite a lot of catching up. haha...havent really talk to him for some time..lol, n great, he bombarded me with questions on project work. haha. guess now i'm more prepared for the oral presentation than ever. juz kidding LAH. i really CMI liao lahh....

oh man..how how how. my promo grades juz sucks. it's like worst than mid yrs lah. though there's some improvement here n there, but i seriously screwed up some portion of it. screwed up real bad. if it wasnt for those parts, i would have scored better. stupid me. careless me.
can i juz shift the blame onto my piano exam instead:D? the reason why i didnt do well this time is that i was busy preparing for my piano exam, so i kind of put asude my studies n concentrated on my piano exam instead. luckily, i didnt fail any subjects or the piano exam. esp my piano exam. coz i have sacrified my grades for it.

i shall work harder:D mug like there's no tomorrow!!!

anyway, got the job attachment to Glenneagles. i wonder how would it be like. hope i could learn as much stuff as possible. n at the same time, find out if being a doctor is really wat i want to be.

common misconceptions

2006-10-16T03:40:00.000-07:00

oh man. so screwed. got bk bio,maths,chem,gp essay n econ essay. i'm so dead. i did quite badly this time. haix. worse than mid years. i can now say bye bye to H3 pharmaceutical chem. screwed up my chem essays terribly. :(. it's such a historical moment. 4.5 out of 20 for one of them n 9.5 for the other. i tink i have set a guiness record of my life. haix.'memorable' i must say. it's so heartbreaking. screwed gp too. really hope i cld at least pass. not to mention maths too. to tink that so many people say that it's so easy. ya. i scored super low for such an easy paper. it's definitely very 'encouraging' isn't it.

so sad. so depressing, so demoralizing. i wonder how m i going to sit for the A level exams next year. how m i going to compete with all those people out there who are scoring 4As as easy as ABC. haix.

boo.i so wanna cry.

anyway, got bk our 16PF personality test results. haha. i juz cant believe that i topped the conventional type. meaning that i could consider fields like accounting, financing, banking. as much as i love money$$:D, those jobs don't interest me AT ALL. haha. i'm not those who can face facts n figures everyday, if i really do, tink u can visit me at IMH in no time. lol. anyway, topped the social type next. haha, actually i quite like such stuff. i juz want to help people:)
it's quite interesting to read a detailed report on yourself, analysed by people u have never seen before, people who do not know u at all. they juz come up with a whole detailed report based on the online MCQs we tikamed. quite zai rite. i must say some are quite accurate too, though i dont really fancy a job that requires u to face facts n figures everyday. it suggested an occupation that is in line with my supposedly interests n characteristics: a restaurant manager. haha. well it don't beat sui hui's occupation;)

lol. sometimes i couldnt help but stop to think if my direction of focus is right. whether i'm cut out for it.

yay. relieved

2006-10-15T08:30:00.000-07:00

yay. relieved. 15min of daimoku really helps:D. Never doubt the power of faith..haha..

a miracle juz happened;)

argh.

2006-10-14T09:40:00.000-07:00

feel so helpless. haix. it's like i cldnt do anything to change it. really hope a miracle can happen. i want a miracle to happen. i juz wanna change it lahhhh!

argh.. i'm so 'zhi zuo' abt such stuff. well, tt's me i guess. Unwilling to accept that it's already a dead end, believing tt when there's a willl there's a way tt kind of saying...haix.

now it seems like a dead end to me too..Shld i juz let it go?

~stressed by myself.how can things go so wrong.
Kill me lah. sha le wo bah

perfectionist? or just downright fussy?

2006-10-14T02:42:00.000-07:00

yay! wr's almost done..haha..tink i'm kinda paranoid over pw liao..haha..mayb john''s right..capricorns are perfectionists:D..juz cant bear to see any flaws in our abt-to-submit wr...

reliance.

2006-10-13T08:55:00.000-07:00

at last, i'm like 90% recovered from the stupid virus. except the feeling of bloated-ness has yet to go away. haix.
i'm feeling so zombified now, having laid on the bed for 2 consecutive days. it's madness isn't it?

stupid virus. nearly ruined my day. however, it is becoz of this virus tt i gained something really invaluable. friendship:) i've learnt to appreciate it even more.

and it is this virus tt gave mi an excuse to take a break...haha.though not exactly 'break' but at least i slept more than enough liao. haha

class outing to sentosa was fun. it's really sad tt i cldnt join them for dinner as much as i wanted to. tt's where the stupidity comes in. STupid FEVER lah. anyway, overall i did enjoy myself very much. kana dunked too. haha..and for dunno wat reasons, i kept stepping onto oil on the sea bed -.-...yucks..stuck to my skin like some leech. so hard to wash it off. we played volleyball too..lolx..i have to admit..i really have low affinity with ball games. the ball juz goes everywhere except the direction i wanted it to go. haha. but one thing is that i could now play volleyball without the fear of breaking any fingers. lolx. volley's quite fun lah.

n i received a piece of good news...lolx...it's juz unbelievable. the power of belief and faith. i can hardly doubt it now.

o ya..by any chance if my pw grp members were to read this entry, i wld like to thk u guys sia..so sorry i didnt do much for the final draft..u guys did a great job;) jia you!!

i relied too much on...

fragility.

2006-10-06T17:42:00.000-07:00

yay!! PROMOS is FINALLY OVER!! my long awaited freedom is fnally here! hmm. actually wat i felt after the exam was a great lift of burden n stress with a small tingly feeling of worriness abt how i did. well, it's ALL over anyway..so HEck lah~ enjoy first, suffer later.

well, went bugis on fri wif en. haha. quite fun sia. there's quite a no. of interesting encounters. really very very very very interesting~ and it's all related to en. hahaha..really cant stop laughing.

went around shopping presents isnt easy. especially a prez for a six yr old kid. not an easy task at all. hah..went arnd bugis n cldn't find anything suitable. Finally seiyu's toy department, where i paid for my freedom...to shop for my own stuff. haha, exaggerated it mayb, but my mental burden was lifted, with a physical burden weighing me down. NOT that serious lah. haha..feeling crappy now. too much pw will digress ur brain. Know why? coz it will kill 99.9% of ur brain cells, leaving u with only 0.1% to cope with essential skills such as typing this entry.

n since i'm kind of brain dead now..i'll stop here. goodbye kitty~

she's right, u know?

ta

torn.gone.close to extinction.

2006-09-10T04:15:00.000-07:00

yay..new shoes:D

nikefree flex 4.0...

oh man..my feet are bigO..O

haix.

well..i wonder will my dad demand a refund for my laptop n return it. he's seriously not satisfied with the 512mb thumbdrive...nvm...tink of it in a positive light..i may get a better laptop than this.

byee bao bei~

i wonder if she saw the previous entry.my mistake.

YAY~wheeeee

2006-09-09T05:38:00.000-07:00

seriously, each of my day is SO happening!

my mum juz bot mi a lap top! KUDOS!
oh man, always wanted one.n finally, i get to own one..muahahah
will upload pics on my baobei after i charged its batt for 5hrs...
and there's a free 512 thumbdrive too..haha..dun have to use my mp3 for thumbdrive le..lolx..but this was in exchange for an external 60mb hardisk drive which they had made some mistakes n decided to give a thumbdrive to compensate...better than nothing i guess..

bot a shaker from popular too..haha i can't live without shakers. juz so used to it liao.

i'm juz so easily contented:D

yay man!

david blaine

2006-09-08T09:29:00.000-07:00

well, juz finished watching David blaine's Vertigo. oh man, he's damm cool. a really pro magician. Someone wif a 'max-out' level of endurance. pei fu pei fu~

haix, i really dont want to tink abt it. less than 10 days! will somebody juz break the news to me that abrsm decided to postpone the exam to next year instead? i wouldnt mind:D.
how i wish it will happen. it will takes a miracle to happen. Miracles can happen,right?;)

oh well, everyday of my life is so happening. Days juz seem to 'fly'~ how i wished everything can come to a standstill. to let me clear the mess i had made along the way out of my life.

anyway, went to suki sakura for buffet dinner on wed. haha, it's really nice:).....however, i seriously don't like those BIG oysters.yucks. my dad tricked me into eating one.yucks.yucks.yucks. should have taken a pic of it to upload here. n coincidentally, the table we were led to is 38! For some reasons, i've seem to fallen for the no. 38. Kni ow why? cos' 06S38 rocks my socks! haha.

o weell, got our new car on tues. toyota altis. nice plate no. too: SGL752S. quite cool hor. :D (zi-kua-ing)
n not to forget to mention one last ting, i found my adidas water bottle. AT LAST! all thanks to fang fang~:D
looks familiar?

KWONG SANG WOO's HOT!

2006-09-03T07:08:00.000-07:00

lolx..2dae's a busy day sia..

went to RSAF's open house this morning. the stupid carpark was full, so we have to park outside and WALK ALL THE WAY in. It's kind of far, so much of a morning excercise.

yup..bought six collarpins as souvenirs:D . i'm soo happy to see those badges lined out on the table. how i wished i could buy one each.lolx..anyway, gave one to my godma...

went for chapter study after that, until 4pm. Went to IMM straight after that, to watch kwong sang woo!!

oh man, he's simply so hot lahh! Why does Korea seems to has an endless supply of hot guys~

the way he replied to the crowd when they shouted sarang hae-yo to him is simply so cute lah.

I WANT TO MIGRATE TO KOREA LIAO LAH~

hahaha..anyway..the place is really flooded, with people. A stampede could have easily occured as i myself is being pushed around by some 'wave' or something. ya, it's THAT many people.

oh well, 15 more days to my piano exam. wish mi luck.

my life is oozing of sianness.

sian.sian.sian.sian.156comments.SIAN

wat a --- day.

2006-08-30T04:18:00.000-07:00

haix. i juz realised it has become a habit to blog when i'm feeling down.

reading through my psot, they juz seem to be of the dark moments of my life. well, 2day's another i guess.
none turn out well, except one thing. screwed up spa, abandoned in school, forgt to hand in remendial wksheet,etc. haix.the list juz goes on....

sian.

first time in my life

2006-08-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

for the first time i broke down in his arms.

tears continue to flow as i type abt this.

i clnt help but notice how has he aged.

he whispered 'sorry' to me.

i realised that this was the first time he held me so closely n gently since i entered my teens.

i realised there are times that i had pushed him out of my life.

i love you too, dad.

i dont have the courage to say that.

but deep down, i know i do.

suay~

2006-08-19T03:37:00.000-07:00

2dae's just not my day. First thing in the morning, got scolded by my mother for not marking coco's assessment book. How on earth would i know she wanted it by yesterday. haixx. bad start. Then as i was about to open the door, i realised i dont have my keys, so i went bk to my room to get. as i stepped out of the door and locked the gate, i realised i've forgotten my specs. how fun can this be, opening and closing the door.

After piano, i ent home to slack for a while before heading to novena to John's house for pw. And great, after i had reached the ground floor, crossed the road , i realised that my hp's batt is low. so no choice, i had to go all the way bk to meet my mum to exchange hp batt.

that's not all...i cant belive that i can miss the stop for novena, only to realise it when i reached orchard. haix.This is not the end of this chain of unluck events. i stepped out of the mrt, tinking that i had finally reached novena. i walked out of the mrt station. turned right n kept on walking. n great. i realised i have walked in the wrong direction.-..- reached ttsh instead. THIs is driving me crazy.

for once i tot everything's going to return to normal since i managed to get off at the right stop to John's house. -.-.....and guess what happened. The interview was cancelled. why? Because ALL the doctors had left and the clinic was CLOSED! Fancy asking us to come down to TTSH after 1pm. how nice of them-.-. Haix, we have nobody to blame but ourselves for not contacting them ytd.

sian. a wasted trip. a wasted pon for interact. my poor Dhiyaa wouldnt have anybody to teach him 2dae. sad*. actually it's not that wasted lahh. we did managed to do some work. so not that bad;)

haixx..sian..chem lecture assessment nxt week. i wonder how m i going to survive nxt week. kill mi lah.

-segregation.segregating.segregated.
life only rocks when everything turns out well.
it's painful to like someone.

slacker.

2006-08-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

haha.cant help but keep tinking of the cheer(is that really a cheer?)

SLACKER SLACKER
Small Slacker Big Slacker
Bigger slacker YOU
Welcome to Slacker's Land...i don't rmb le..

Anyway, dunno y i felt super slackish, even as i'm typing this entry. For no reason at all, i keep having the feeling that i'm wasting time away, doing things that should not be done first, getting all my priorities wrong.

Probably insecurity?
I don't know about that, all i know is that PROMOS ARE AROUND THE CORNER AND I HAVE NOT STARTED ON ANYTHINg YET!!

torn between two.

2006-08-10T10:10:00.000-07:00

yay, new template:) sadly, this is not one of my own design, koped it from blogskin. I miss making my own template:(

Time's a limiting factor, n i have succumbed to it.

torn between two worlds; family and friends.
problems arise when one world try to interfere with another, or to say like when Singapore tried to meddle with Malaya's affairs and vice versa during the merger. haha. kinda bored now lah. one a.m leh~.~...anyway, i'm seriously suffereing from a headache becoz of this. Not to mention the mental block i had for the past few days. for the sake of PW, i murdered my brain cells. *digressing. wanted to lock up this blog but couldnt find that stupid key to do so. i used to find blogging fun, as u get to share your life with others, furthermore, one get to reflect on what one had done. Thus, i do think that blogging is in fact beneficial and entertaining, not forgetting to mention the part where you design your own template. It's very self-fufiling.
However, i had changed my perspective about blogging. I don't want to blog. coz, i have no life to blog about.

KIDDING LAH.
juz a little sian abt it lah.
i wanna sleep liao..

boo.no more h3 le.

2006-07-04T07:41:00.000-07:00

argh.sick. first tutorial in the morning spelled my doom. got back my maths. juz made it for E.it sux totally. This one 'E' is enough to smash all my hopes. ALL of them. Without reaching the minimal grades of BCDD, there goes my h3 subject. sad sia.

anyway, 2dae's kinda happening.(though i wasn't really in a good mood). First thing i heard when we reached the canteen made mi laugh n has initiated an urge to go K-Box. "Huo, huo huo huo huo HUO HUO HUO HUO!!". jay chou's huo yuan jia. anyway..kinda cool to have music played over in the canteen, like some pop cafe. one word: SHUANG! and one can dedicate songs for free..muhahha.
o well, seriously, MRS TEO's MY FAVOURITE TCHER !....serious ok..she's such a nice teacher:D.
n got bk chem papers too. apparently only part of it coz the tcher haven't finish marking. well, tycolly i passed my mcq. n essay qn 1. which kinda shocked that i've got 16.haha..first time i see a 'gd' on my chem paper. anyway, essay qns 2 is disastrous. scored only 7. great. it juz pulled dwn my marks. sian.

got back bio mcq too.
oh well this is like super funny. the result is released to us in the form of a list wif the marks printed next to our nric instead of our names. so u wouldnt know which mark is whose. anyway, as i am the bio rep, i get to see mine first;)...well..this is super shocking.haha..i doubled checked wif a ruler n paper..haha..after checking i passed it down to en who is juz beside me. after checking her marks, she turned to me n said, who on earth is 8946, siao lehh got 28/30. i tink mayb is shushan since she's like in december.....juz as she is passing the paper to rachel they all..she exclaimed to them check out 8946 got 28/30 leh. siao lor.
i took the paper from her as fang haven checked yet. she too exclaimed the same stuff..after she passed the paper to the bk...
i told them 8946 is me.

hahah..funny right?..just then mrs teo left the class n the guys exclaimed," Who's 8946??? Is it Joshua? wah lao, who got 28/30??" . n g8 my dear 2 friends bside me...juz pointed at me.
LOL..amusing. hahahaha

haix.how.iunno.watamitodo.

2006-06-19T03:54:00.001-07:00

....alright.shall try to start this on a high note. HARMOC section THREE rocks~~..haha....we had our section outing on the 15th..it was fun..n it was my first time in preparing bbq stuff. haha. marinating the chicken fillets, preparing the chocolate bananas, frying fishballs.lolx..a hell lot of experiences.:)..n waterbomns..muahaha.evil me.

ya..well...prepare for this coz i blieve u wont b able to understand the following paragraph.

midoingtherightthingidunooooitslikeweirdnikeephavetokeppinmi, ndthatihavetomugrejecttogooutsomehownotinte, restedtogooutcozitschurchstuffymusteverythingbabtchurchmym,
omdunwanmitoparticipateinsuchstufftoomuchespwhenineg, lectedmyownreligionsactivityisthatthereasonichosetorejectorizzitjuztth, atiwannapushawaywelliwonder.

that wasnt a pragraph i guess..juz a looong string of alphabets that can describe wat i am having headaches about. friends.that's it.feel bad sometimes..but i have no choice. everything juz clashes n i nd to make way for my studies. watever. this holiday juz suck coz i have to mug, cldnt play like i used to.

booo.

2006-06-12T06:04:00.000-07:00

mug mug mug. sian man. anyway, haven blog for quite some time le. so sina. kinda lost interest in a lot of stuff. i'm only interested in watching tv n mugging. the latter isnt true. eriously sian lehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

haixxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

kinda ermm.

2006-05-24T05:42:00.000-07:00

nobody's perfect. that includes me, you and everyone else in this world. Each n every human is uniquely different too. so those irritating dominating freakos out there should seriously stop forcing their own idealogy on others. oh well, no one in specific, but seriously i'm getting sick of those 'dominators'.
Can't they just try to at least convince themselves that there are other methods of life out there that is so much better than theirs? Can't they just come to realisation that the others have the right to carry out their own way rather than taking theirs as a model n follow suit? Don't even have to tell me what you think over coz i seriously don't give a damm. The others who took it in their stride do not fall within the category of 'having no mind of your own', they are juz merely 'entertaining' you, as the chinese saying goes, 'duo yi shi bu ru shao yi shi'. those who don't understand this phrase, it juz simply means that having one problem less is better than having one more.

well. kinda bu shuangwif someone 2dae. heckz lahh..gonna mug chem.byee

harmoc rocks mann

2006-05-23T07:16:00.000-07:00

seriously, i LOVE harmoc sia:D..i like the people there, the teachers, n the instrument itself..SECTION THREE ROCKS!
o gosh..i never felt so happy b4 during my stay in strings...harmoc concert was a success too..n thru that concert..section 3 is so much bonded:)...n bridge's da game man!!

looking forward for section outing..it it would b super fun...haha...o well..

tink i did not made the wrong decision afterall...

oh wells.

2006-05-15T08:13:00.000-07:00

After reading through the past entries on this blog, i can only come up with one word, 'DEPRESSING'. the feeling is as though something's missing from my life. ...even for now,at this particular moment, i cant really think of anything to type except juz crap.

anyway, had econs test todae, it's a gone case for me...............
demoralising. how stupid can i be? oH WELL...lucky it's not midyears...or else i will certainly find a perfect wall n bang myelf against it. sometimes i wonder, if tiredness can really wear someone inside out, eatting the soul from within, making that particular person to be apathetic about everything, seriously,i wOnder.

blur.stupid.screwed

2006-05-06T06:55:00.000-07:00

haha..2dae's such an eventful day. by the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, benedict ng(my dear godbro'sbro)!...doubt he will read this post anyway coz he's only pri. 2...o well..u cant underestimate kids nowadays..

anyway, the first blur ting i did 2dae was to assume that the pw meeting was on 2dae..i chionged the research part like siao, read thru articles at breakneck speed.o man, i would have juz go to bugis if i did not call esther after my piano lesson in which i felt stupid and screwed. Firstly, i dunno y i felt so nervous having to play in front of an additional audience. One thing to note, i ws feeling super nervous even before the 'audience' wa even there. my hands are like shaking....haix....n great, after i had 'shakily' finihsed playing my piece, my dear piano tcher told mi i dun have to play that song later for that 'audience', how nice was that-.-..hahaha....anyway..the screwed up part was when the audience was there...great..my tcher juz told mi blatantly that i would fail if i were to play like that..wateva it is..i managed to pass her the whole booklet of vjc's string ensemble tix..she sae she'll help mi sell:D..and she lent mi 2 korean shows..o gosh..i cant wait to watch.

haix.sian.tutorials are piling up like there's no tomorrow..bio,chem,econs,maths,PW, GP........how much worse can it get?. ESPECIALLY PROJECT WORK..seriously, who invented it?..i tink the whole j1 cohort hates him/her/them to the core sia...

anyway...i have come to a conclusion about watching horror movies..it's seriously not that bad when u watched it wif the class coz, there will sumhow be a tinge of comedy in it..lolx. i survived it thru with lots of laughter n fewer heartbeats( as the heart still stop at some scene). haha.

i miss my secondary school life

2006-05-04T07:53:00.000-07:00

yea..as suggested by the title, that's wat i'm feeling now and will be so for the next whole 1 and the half year. i miss creating templates!i miss doodling! i miss slacking! i miss everything i used to have and enjoy!

watever..super sian now..trying to do maths tutorial..and it's simply juz too chim for me.
so gotta go now..juz updated for the fun of updating n to keep this blog ALIVE

anyway, sidetrack, i serously hate my B3 for ENGLISH man...it simply robbed me of everything.

labour day~

2006-05-01T05:47:00.000-07:00

labour day isn't a holiday, IT IS JUST A DAY FULL OF LABOUR! watever it is..i'm now chiongin my bio hmk..having to do eom later..so juz updated to make this remark...anyway..happy bday meifang!:)

Little green men at war...

wohOO..bloggin from vj's Com lab:D

2006-04-06T01:25:00.000-07:00

Time really flies. haven't blog since the last last monday. seriously, i dread mondays n tuesdays. n wednesday too, but not as bad though. The timetable for mon n tues is like simply horrible. n i tink i have a love-hate relationship with Sunday. Loves it coz that's the only day which i can really break n slack at home and wake up super late. Hates it coz that's the day i have to chiong all my tutorials , prepare for monday' s lessons and the fact that the next day is a monday again.
No life,no life at all. i do fall under that category.Stress level is certainly so much higher nowdays. time is so strained. My life practically revolved around the 3 venues :Victoria jc n my room n the living room where the tv and piano are. That's pathetic, isn't it. No more Heeren, Cineleisure,Takashimaya,Far East Plaza, only Northpoint (which i passed its entrance on my way home, i don't even set a foot within the shopping complex itself). My current life is like a monotonous routine, go sch in the morning, dad fetch me home, watch tv n eat dinner till 8, practice piano to 9 or 10 , then do tutorials till 11 or 12 n hit the bed as soon as i can. The vicious cycle juz repeat on. This cycle repeat until saturday.oh boy, i'm feeling so sorry for myself.
by the way, this is my first time blogging from vjc's com lab. there's still 5 more min b4 i have to go meet a med soc senior. there's enzyme test 2mlw. sian.have to mug. i seriously gotto go soon. so i'm gonna tok crap for a few more lines coz i don't tink i will have the time to blog for the next few days. So that's about it. GOTTA GO NOW, IT's 4.45 liao!

Tmr is MONDAY again.

2006-03-26T07:55:00.000-08:00

yay.it's monday 2mr.i'm not feeling as 'excited' as the 'yay' suggested. put it simply, seriously i'm dead tired n stressed up. Everthing seems to move faster than i do.tutorials,tests,string practices,pianoexam, everything is juz piling one above another on me. o great, how i wished i have more than 24 hours.
anyway, sidetrack. Sent off angelina at changyi airport 2dae. will definitely miss her. it's hard to imagine myself in her shoes. i don't think i would ever had the courage to juz leave my family here in spore n go overseas to study. the thought itself is unbearable. The thought of having to fit into a completely new environment,it's freaky n one will really feel 'alienated' as the word it derived form:'alien', being uprooted from one's origin n to be planted in another, the matter of being able to survive a not really much depend on yourself.
well, went for the h3 biotech talk ytd. had to pon string 'unfortunately'. rather reluctant to do so in the first place, but after much consideration, i tink i would regret if i dun go as i did for last wed, shld have juz PONNED. ~ .Anway, went to NTU. Joshua n i were the only ones from 38 to go for the talk.haha..while there are classes where half of the class signed up for it. whatever it is, with that many people we did manged to squeeze into the bus. must really thk mrs teo for letting us to do so. :D. Anway, sat wif atikah n she introduced her friends to me. haha, i must say that they are as crazy as her. oops wrong statement. she's the craziest of all. anyway, saw a few people @ the h3 talk.
saw teck beng, evonne(from 4/7), n wanting(pri.6 classmate)..haha..teck beng was like sitting across me..i was like tinking that guy's background look super familiar..haha..juz as he was greeting hif friend from rj, i finally saw his face n as quoted from cally'confirm plus guarantee chop' it's teckbeng. haha
...............it's super late now..gtg liao.........wheeee~

-screwed-

2006-03-23T04:19:00.000-08:00

ya, 2day's one of my unlucky day or rather a series of misfortunes(reminds me of lemony snickets' a series of unfortunate events..ok random*)..so....it all begins with a rainy morning.....
got up when my hp alarm went off(in fact,after the alarm went off for like 10 mins..)..so misfortune no. 1---->nearly overslept...when i finally settled down for breakfast, i was coughing n sneezing like there's no tomorrow. that contributes to misfortune no.2. i took some med before i went for sch. everything was quite okay when i comes to pe. we played floorball and i have discover a downright smack-in-the-face truth abt me:i have no affinity with anything to do with balls-.- finds it super hard to dribble th ball along n make a turn or something,that was super embarassing..i wa like trying to figure my way thru the cones n i seriously do have a horrible sense of direction(no excuses but part of it was due to the side effects of the med i took in the morning) that's was misfortune no.3. Being unable to shoot in basketball is another thing. though i only managed to shoot only one after thousands of tries. so pple out there now willl know that the probability of tiffany shooting in basketballs is 1/1000....We had economics after the cl n break .that was where the nightmare begins..(my brain was half dead by then, drugged-*)
that was the first time i heard my name being called out SO many times. (my name was not called to show appreciation for trying to keep my mind clear even i was like in the 'zombie-state')so no need for guesses, that was misfortune no.4. n great, as i was being called, i'm so heng to tio the mst diff qns out of the three qns(as in the one that i dunno)..so being drugged, i tried to use the remaining clear brain cells to squeeze out some stuff to write out, n g8 wrote some crap instead-.-..that was misfortune no. 5..that's not the end of it. suffers from mood swings as my brain was fully drugged by then. i juz want to turn off n sleep.n great wif that i had 2 sudden outbursts that are super embarrassing n stupidd-.-..1st was the one when she called out a PRc scholar's name i juz asked out loud: "who's that?"..tinking she pronounce someone's name wrongly or calling out names from the other classes..i only realize i have made a horrible comment when rachel turned arnd n shot me a look..anyway, halfway thru the lesson, i juz excalimed i very xing ku-.-..tt's wat i said. n great i tink the tcher heard it. so that's misfortunate no. 5. ohwell..tink she'ss take special notice at me now..
the last but not least one is the presentation i screwed up for med soc.argh..horrible.n i missed air rifle trials. sadly, coz i'm really considering of quitting strings to join that.haix..so that's the end of my unlucky day ending withe tha high pitch on misfortune no. 6..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

o great, i have forgotten to upload this post n had saved it under drafts instead..so much of a misfortune no.7-.-

grrRRrrr

2006-03-18T05:50:00.000-08:00

o great..my super loong entry was gone with juz one accidental click. so kinda pissed n sian diao now, so will contd with this post nxt time............

Mass dance @ suntec:D

2006-03-07T07:12:00.000-08:00

i'm super duper tired n sleepy now, yet i choose to type this entry before hitting my bed,thus i believed this emphasised on the significance of this entry;).Anyway,we had our O2 for two days pathetically. It wasn't exactly very fun, but i have made quite a no. of new friends from the first day of O2:D(see, i'm juz so friendly).
Newly-made friend No.1
Frederick: VS guy in choir. first person i talked to in my og
Newly-made friend No.2
Atikah: Funky look-like-chinese malay girl(she's mixed blood),she's super funny n cranky n lame:D,loves talking to her.
Newly-made friend No.3
Monica:did not get to talk to her much, quite a nice gal too. was frm tjc for the first three mths, same as Athika.
Newly-made friend No.4
Evanly(i dunno how to spell her name): her name sounds like my name.Everybody was so confused by both of our names.Anway, she was from mj and coz she did well for o's..so got posted her..she's from dunman high
Newly-made friend No.5
Valerie: our ogl. Quite funky too.nth much to say coz don't really know her well enuf. (unlike that ahma athika;))
Newly-made friend No.6
Ben-ji(tink shld be spelled like this): our ogl.i always give him that weird 'look' n he will reply bk wif that weird 'look' too..haha.funny.
...that's all folks..cldnt rmb the others, i have bad memory for names..forgive me for that.

by the way, ytd was quite sian . nobody's high Athika was like keep telling me that how fun tj was n how chim tj's mass dance was.--.-- n great, i was there trying to convince them how fun vj was. I couldn't help but to have all sorts of thoughts running all over my mind(as usual, thinking too much).there will be times where i tot wat athika n monica going thru will b wat i may be going thru if i went to rj instead.furthermore, i cldnt help but always stand in awe of the rafflesians n hwachongnians(sounds yucky, but nvm:D)..it's like everytime i heard that so and so got into rj i wld like 'wah, so good'. that will be my first reaction. SEriously i hate myself for that.At that moment..Athika told me: 'Never regret things u have not done, only regret for things u have done'..kinda true rite..then i couldnt help but think that if i had regretted staying in vj a not-.-which is actually the same thing as if i had regretted not going to rj instead.

We had our 2nd day of O2 2dae. Supoosedly to be quite fun until jason hurt himself while doing 'shoulders n point' in whiney whiney-.-..in the morning, 4 new gals came to our class..ALL GIRLS..now there is more gals than guys..sad case..anyway..we played truth or dare in the parade square. Joshua was kana saboed by kenghua..n has to put on amanda's pinnafore..lolxx..super funny..he then wif the guys lead a VJ cheer in frnt of the other classes.so high sia..o ya..n we played a trick on the 2nd intakers..though it's not exactly a success..it's nonethless quite entertaining n funny..so...we decided to pull the trick again next yr:D

it's getting super late now..so..i'm gonna stop here. update nxt time(when i got the mood to do it)

RAFFLES..VICTORIA

2006-03-04T23:15:00.000-08:00

is that a good decision?...i wonder. i'm so confused now, so lost of where i want to go to, i hate tt feeling. no sense of direction, like a little girl who has lost her way. or maybe like someone who is trapped in a maze. i lost sight of my destination.will this turn keeps me from reaching my destination? seriously..i have no idea..

a big sorry and thank you for all those who have lend a wonderful listening ear to me:)

WILL I REGRET?

2006-03-02T19:42:00.000-08:00

arghh..tt's the stupid question that has been haunting me for the past fesw weeks.oh man..
The extremely BIG diff in the no. of students getting 4As between vj n rj IS sending me messages of regrets. yucks. I seriously HATE that feeling. It's the feeling of wanting to bashup myself...haixx..save me before i break pls.
*time out*
ok bk to the topic.
watever it is...ive once decided not to regret, and i shall do it.
VICTORIA..here i come~~~

I'm PROUD to be a VICTORIAN:)

wateva~

2006-02-21T04:30:00.001-08:00

GReat i shld b studying for econs test now yet i am blogging...deprived of blogging for too long..all bcoz of diary-x. by the way..o'levels result 's out..i've gotten 6 points:D...it's rather shocking to see my name in the list of those 6 pointers.everyone was like saying i'm the black horse or sumting..haha..anyway...was really happy dao tears juz flow freely..lolx..until the moment when i get bk my result slip...wth eng i got b3...and A2 for both phy n chem-.-..really cant blieve i gt b3 for my eng n a2 for my chem..it's CHEMISTRY lehh..super sad lahh..but mayb was quite happy at tt moment so it did not really cross my mind much..however was quite relieved tt i mange to get an a2 for my phy and i didnt fail it..n HCL, geog n emaths too..got a1s..:D..see..at that pt of time...the happy level is so much higher than the disappointment level...Disappointment finally kicked in when i reach hm a few hrs later when i saw the overseas attachment form where u have to get 2a1s for 2 pure sciences n a gd cca record-.-...it went 'bang' right in my face.tt's not the only disappointment...though i am a six pointer..i cld applied for NONE of the scholarship...coz they want eng+CL1/CL2+5<8..and great..wif my b3 in eng..I qualify for none as i exceeded the minimum by 1 mark-.-....
haixx..this is so Disappointing, Demoralising, D.....
wateva it is...I ha my time in choosing schools. Pulling out nearly all of my hair..having countless of sleepless nites...nearly going crazy n breaking down..i chose VJ as my first choice n RJ asmy 2nd..which then to my horror to realise tt Rj has more pple entering Med faculty in NUS in compared to VJ..which only got 30 O.O..this is super shocking..repulsions of regret surged through me. Argh...BUT...i have thought thru well enuf to convince myself i did not make a rash decision but a decision i have thought thru quite a lot of times n it would not go wrong(i hope)..ya so..tt's abt it...gonna study for econs~~

[WHO on EARTH invented ECONOMICS..it sux seriously]