Thursday, August 13, 2009
It's been ages since I blogged. Yes, after the 'ages', I'm finally back in Singapore for my long awaited 3 months summer holiday. Didn't realise how much I missed home until I am finally home. Loves the feeling of being back home. The realistic feel of it...finally was no more just a dream. I remembered while I was in UK, I would dreamt that I am back in Singapore, my very own room, sleeping on my very own bed, hugging my dearest bolster. Goodness. You will never imagine that you can miss something that simple that much. So, in short, ya, I do misses home very much and am really glad to be back home.
Although I am finally happily back home, just as I thought I could start enjoying my holiday in a relaxing manner...then came a sequence of events. First, H1N1. Because of this, our initial plan of going to KL was postponed one week after. Meeting up with friends and relatives was slightly affected too due to the 'quarantine order' imposed onto me by some. Though the customs officer has personally told me that people coming for the UK are not on HQO (Home quarantine Order) at that point of time. Oh well, what can I say. Just play safe I guess. And so my KL trip was postponed.
Finally, a week later, I went to KL to visit my grandparents. And great. The first stop in KL after 9 months was the hospital. My uncle and auntie suspected my grandfather was suffering from a stroke, hence rushed him to the hospital. The stroke was mild as I, fortunately, managed to talk to my grandpa for a while. That was the last time I heard his voice. Initially, the doctor sent him home as it was not a very serious stroke. We too then went back to Singapore the next morning.
A few days later, my grandfather was admitted to the hospital again. Due to the stroke, he contracted pneumonia. My mother then went to KL, leaving me to take care of the house. Well, those were the days, that I put my culinary skills to use (finally). Not exactly fantastic I would say, edible's the word. Shortly after, the doctors in KL claimed there were nothing they could do and the best was to send my grandfather home. The news, brought tears to my mum...as in other words, what the doctors meant was that to wait till Death claims him. She called us, and we went to KL, to see my grandfather for the one last time. He was there lying on the bed in his room, breathing hard. You can see how his chest thrusted upward as he took in each breathe. The entire family was present at his bedside, accompanying him on his last journey of life. We took pictures, we hugged him, kissed him, talked to him. He cried as we called him, tears rolled down his cheek even though he could not open his eyes. His condition seemed stable on the next day too. Hence, we decided to leave KL on Sunday as kids have school whilst the adults have work.
Hence, on Sunday, we all left.
On Monday morning, he passed away peacefully.
We went KL to attend his funeral.
It's hard to accept the loss of someone so dear. I remembered talking to him on the phone while I was eating my catered dinner in Southampton, walking around in the Louvre in Paris, resting at the ski resort in Argentiere.. He kept asking when I'm coming back to see him. I remembered the day he was at the hospital where I held his hand and told him I'm back. The smile on his face was unforgettable.
Before I left for the UK, he said to me that he was afraid that he was unable to live that long to see me come back. At that time, shocked by what he said, I told him 'Touch wood! You will definitely lead a long life..long enough to see me not only next year, to see me graduate..you will live for very long, so don't worry.'
Life's really unpredicatable.
After my grandpa's funeral, my grandmother came to Singapore for two weeks. For these two weeks, we were busy. Though tired, I was really glad she came out as I got to spend more time with her before I fly back to the UK. Losing one grandparent was enough to teach me to treasure my other 2 grandparents even more.
And great, now, when the storm is finally residing...I am down with this stupid tonsillitis which is hurting my throat like mad. And the consultation fees on public holidays is ridiculous.
8am to 12pm: $26
12pm to 6pm: $31
Why does the time has to do with the consultation fees. Do not give me the obvious answer of making money. It is unethical to raise the consultation fees in this manner. The consultation fees on a public holiday is already higher to start with, as compared to a normal non-public holiday ($18). Since, there is already an increment, I don't see the need to increase it further due to timing between morning and afternoon. Ridiculous. I literary can hear every patient complain about the cost they are paying after they collected their medicine.
Oh well, what to do..they are the only 24 hr clinic in Yishun. Monopoly I guess. but still unethical.
So what am I doing now?
I'm now resting at home, hoping my tonsillitis will go away after taking the antibiotics, eating lots of lozenges to numb the soreness. And maybe, due to boredom, I suddenly had the urge to blog what happen during my precious 3 months holiday, which seems to be ending soon...in around 1 month time..goodness.
He passed away the next day morning.
Friday, October 03, 2008
hey hey, I'm in Southampton now! haha. time really flies. have been here for 2weeks already. Everything's fine except the weather's a bit cold.
actually not a bit. sometimes very cold-..- especially when the wind blow. The wind is like super chilly and icy.Other than that when there's sun, it's rather nice, coz it's like sunny yet cold. like u're living in a glass house. haha, quite nice actually. ;) o and the food serving here is like super big. haha, eating too much causes indigestion and well, i tink that's wat happened to me. but overall, the western food taste nt bad..haha. the indian food that is even more imba. It may be due to the fact that we are all having the same mindset that we cant eat this anywhere in uk that makes it more delicious. well, the more rare it is, the more u crave for it. haha. humans are like that. never satisfied. haha
anyway, ya, then gt Keith as my personal tutor. Oh well, from the first meeting i can conclude that he really liek singapore. why leh? coz he bo liao bo liao will shoot out the word' singapore' and then look at us. and most of the time we are nt really listening. so I and baopeng like dunno if it's a qns to be answered or juz a statement. haix. juz made a fool out of ourselves. so paiseh. coz we seem soooo blur. haha
hmm, the campus is damn big. haha, the one thing i have done a lot in uk is to walk, walk, walk and WALK. but interetingly, u dun feel as tired as it wld be in s'proe as the weather is quite cooling and you don't sweat even if u have been walking for 8 hours. haha. interesting. but of coz, ur legs feel super suan after that.
hmm, i'll stop here for today. go my facebook to see my pics;)
Friday, August 15, 2008
honestly, i do still feel the heartache of losing my dream:( really. i tot it wld be much lesser as time pass. but it juz got more as days passed and my date of leaving approaches.. i didnt want to admit, but really, deep down inside my heart, i'm damn envious of those studying medicine:((
Monday, June 23, 2008
well, who would have guessed i'll go in a direction that i myself have not expected it at all. at first i didnt thought much of it. then everything seems so fated that i did not even have the chance to resist it or know of anyway to stop all these from happening. I wasn't happy at all initially. To me, there's nothing to be happy about. In fact, it came to me as a burden, like it is forcing me to give up on my dream. as reluctant as I may be, i came to realisation that it is not bad afterall. so, this is it. I've decided, and people who know me well enough will know that i'm someone who sticks to my decision through. so...guess i'll definitely miss my peeps in spore.
something to confess...something that i dont want and cant bear to say out loud in front of my parents who seems really in favour of my current decision. ............a part of me didnt want to give up on my dream...and this little piece of me is still holding onto hope coz i know i will lose this piece forever once i give up pursuing my dream:(
ironically, what makes me takes up the scholarhip is due to what i have learnt from my failure: no matter how well you planned, no matter how much effort u can put in, things just don't turn out the wa you want them to be..since there are so many unforeseen circumstances that may happen, i should just grab whatever opportunity that arises and just go along with fate's arrangement. I dont want to take the risk anymore and end up juz a sci grad who cant make it into med. I have to admit, though i tried hard not to think of it that way, there was a point that i find that all my efforts and hardwork were in vain and how helpless it feels. the feeling really sucks and i soemtimes do hate myself for it. That's why i say, when my dream is lost, so will that part of me.
but well, on the brighter side, i'm really tempted by the overseas life. sound interesting. and one thing: i get to start afresh:D nt haunted by my stupid failures by studying in nus. think it's a good change anyway. and i would still enjoy my future job since it invovles people rather than lab mice and microscopic cells. haha.
imagine life as a long road...u know your destination...but somehow there is a road block...u cant get to the place u want...u wanted to go for the detour..as u are about to go for the detour...suddenly u discovered a new route that can take u to a place quite near the place u wanted to go..u are at the intersection, thinking to change your destination instead since u know that the detour will take a much longer time to reach the destination and who knows ,there may be another road block...hence after much thought, u decided to change destination and take the new route instead. So did I.
Monday, April 28, 2008
ok, i want to scream at myself again. WHAT THe HELL AM I DOiNG? I CAN'T EVEN ANSWER SIMPLE QNS!?IT'S LIE A QNS FOR ME TO FLAUNT LAH, BUT I DIDNT!?TOO CAUGHT OFF GUARD..
argh...sad:(((
Sunday, April 27, 2008
TIFFANy CHEW?! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?!
haix, i seriously want to scream this at myself. felt so screwed with my med essay test. argh. the mroe i tot of it, the more it seems so irrelevant to the qns. totally miss the point i wld say.
wish me luck for 2mlw's interview bah.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Disappointing results. That's all I can say about my A's. Learning to stand after such a hard fall wasn't easy. Despair, misery, the pain of possibly losing one's dream,I experienced them all on that fateful day.I felt so pathetic. There were lots of 'hows' and 'whys' running on my mind. A part of me did not want to believe that the results I had received was reality. It felt like the whole world came crushing down. But, luckily, that was for that one day.And a bit of the next day too. What really encouraged me to stand back up on my feet was really unexpected. It was a simple postcard stuck onto the cupboard in the AMK clinic.
'The world has not ended, Hang in there!' picturing a globe with someone hanging there.
And then, as I was thinking about the meaning of my failure, well, another phrase on another postcard had the answer. 'Failure keeps you humble' Well, that's true, in the sense that I felt that all my self-confidence had shattered on the day I received my results. But that phrase just struck a chord in me, maybe I had been too ambitious, thinking everything will go well as planned, as I had imagined it would be.
Somehow, I had the fortune of seeing phrase that struck chords in me that I think they could be played into a melody. haha, kidding. Why I say so is because, just as I was lamenting over how can I possibly score so much worst than the majority, I saw a write-up written by my mother on Daisaku Ikeda's words.
"Do not compare yourself with others. Be true to who you are, and continue to learn with all your might." Well, I admit, that struck the loudest chord in me as the main reason to why I was lamenting and mentally-torturing myself is because I fared much worse than the others, and I had been expecting a lot from myself. Hence the pressure, the disappointment and the resentment.
These timely phrases cleared my mind, brought me out of my own miseries. So for now, I'm going to do whatever it takes to get me into NUS Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine:D
But,I have a problem now, should I go for alternatives? Or should I persist on my dream? Should I give up my dream? All these keep running over and over. It is really not my usual self to be so lost in what to do. I don't want to give up my dream, but I fear that the harsh practical reality may just hinder that from occurring. The outcome that many people had cautioned me about, the scenario in which I do not get accepted into anything. It makes me feel so lost to what I should do. But one thing for sure, I'm going to try for Medicine, no matter what my parents say, what my relatives say, what my friends say, for I know that if I were to forgo the opportunity to even try, I will regret for life. And this is definitely not my style of handling matters, to give up without even trying. And one thing I have learnt from my downfall, " You don't fail when you fail, you fail when you give up" hence, failure comes only when one has given up on oneself. That was what suddenly struck me while filing cards at causeway point. Haha, my places of inspiration are interesting:D
well, wish me luck:)
