[:>|::Any Dream Will Do..::|<:]: June 2008

Monday, June 23, 2008

well, who would have guessed i'll go in a direction that i myself have not expected it at all. at first i didnt thought much of it. then everything seems so fated that i did not even have the chance to resist it or know of anyway to stop all these from happening. I wasn't happy at all initially. To me, there's nothing to be happy about. In fact, it came to me as a burden, like it is forcing me to give up on my dream. as reluctant as I may be, i came to realisation that it is not bad afterall. so, this is it. I've decided, and people who know me well enough will know that i'm someone who sticks to my decision through. so...guess i'll definitely miss my peeps in spore.

something to confess...something that i dont want and cant bear to say out loud in front of my parents who seems really in favour of my current decision. ............a part of me didnt want to give up on my dream...and this little piece of me is still holding onto hope coz i know i will lose this piece forever once i give up pursuing my dream:(

ironically, what makes me takes up the scholarhip is due to what i have learnt from my failure: no matter how well you planned, no matter how much effort u can put in, things just don't turn out the wa you want them to be..since there are so many unforeseen circumstances that may happen, i should just grab whatever opportunity that arises and just go along with fate's arrangement. I dont want to take the risk anymore and end up juz a sci grad who cant make it into med. I have to admit, though i tried hard not to think of it that way, there was a point that i find that all my efforts and hardwork were in vain and how helpless it feels. the feeling really sucks and i soemtimes do hate myself for it. That's why i say, when my dream is lost, so will that part of me.

but well, on the brighter side, i'm really tempted by the overseas life. sound interesting. and one thing: i get to start afresh:D nt haunted by my stupid failures by studying in nus. think it's a good change anyway. and i would still enjoy my future job since it invovles people rather than lab mice and microscopic cells. haha.

imagine life as a long road...u know your destination...but somehow there is a road block...u cant get to the place u want...u wanted to go for the detour..as u are about to go for the detour...suddenly u discovered a new route that can take u to a place quite near the place u wanted to go..u are at the intersection, thinking to change your destination instead since u know that the detour will take a much longer time to reach the destination and who knows ,there may be another road block...hence after much thought, u decided to change destination and take the new route instead. So did I.