「 dancing away 3:18 PM 」

haix. tell me why leh. why other people have birthday presents n i have none. ok not none. but. not a shared one from them. why why why leh. for once i'm glad that no one actually read my long dead blog. so i could just write whatever i want. haha. seriously, why leh?!?? haix. how pathetic can i get.

sometimes, i really feel that i'm really shi bai. i rmbed he told me before.. "pls lahh..u tink they will care about u meeh..u tink they will even think for u mehh..nobody will think for u de..they will just do their own stuff...why do u nd to keep thinking for them if they dont even think for u.."..fine..watever. coz sometimes, he's really right. n i can't deny. i have always wished for surprises..friends to give me surprises..like how i gave them or how i joined the rest n gave them one. gifts too (i mean, who wouldnt agree on that)..haha..but most of the time..nah..it never really happens...just really once in a while..

makes me wonder if i'm really a terrible friend or wat..maybe i'm quite a terrible person...all the maybes i could tink of couldnt answer my 'why?' question from the start. WHY LEH? u tell me lah. every other person, people chip in and have a ncie shared present..WHERE'S MINE? -.-

watever..like i cared.. haix.

「 dancing away 2:23 PM 」

I seriously should not be blogging at this point of time. I should be studying my neale's disorder of the foot religiously and not get distracted by facebook..people's blogs and stuff. seriously. what the crap.It's just like I am feeding on spices of other people's life because I do not have my own. And i seriously don't. Espcially at this point of the year.

I realised the main cause of my insomnia the past few days which I chanced upon was really...coz of Wah tak (my panda soft toy which act like a bolster). which i hugged it those nights. and I couldnt sleep. at all. not until 4 am in the morning. just imagine how flustered i was since I had to wake up at 7am the following morning. The subsequent night, I was so tired I just fell straight onto my bed and SLEPT throughout. lol. That was when I realised...maybe..wahtak was the main cause..and i tried for the subsequent nights..and it works. haha.. weird huh, the power of the subconscious mind.

about that..Well..i must say...really do need some time to get use to being single again. You cant help but to think that the one person who cared and loved you isn't there anymore. You can't help thinking you are the one who pushed him away and why are you still thinking about him. You can;t help thinking what the hell is he doing. You also can't help clicking his facebook wall and profile to see what has he been doing. Sheesh. Terrible.

Seriously, how weak can I get. haix. but really. learning to let go might not be a bad thing after all. At least, I don't get so emotionally worked up tat frequently. I don't get so strained and stressed by being 'kiap' between my family and him. I don't have worry why is there a frown on his face. I don't have to think why is this happening to me. I don't know. After reading my friend's blog on how much she missed her bf, I wonder if I was too weak that I gave up on us. BUT I have to convince myself..that whatever i have done wasn't wrong. There's no comparison in the first place since different people are involved. I have to remind myself the reason why.

And that's why I decided to let go.