[:>|::Any Dream Will Do..::|<:]: March 2008

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Disappointing results. That's all I can say about my A's. Learning to stand after such a hard fall wasn't easy. Despair, misery, the pain of possibly losing one's dream,I experienced them all on that fateful day.I felt so pathetic. There were lots of 'hows' and 'whys' running on my mind. A part of me did not want to believe that the results I had received was reality. It felt like the whole world came crushing down. But, luckily, that was for that one day.And a bit of the next day too. What really encouraged me to stand back up on my feet was really unexpected. It was a simple postcard stuck onto the cupboard in the AMK clinic.
'The world has not ended, Hang in there!' picturing a globe with someone hanging there.

And then, as I was thinking about the meaning of my failure, well, another phrase on another postcard had the answer. 'Failure keeps you humble' Well, that's true, in the sense that I felt that all my self-confidence had shattered on the day I received my results. But that phrase just struck a chord in me, maybe I had been too ambitious, thinking everything will go well as planned, as I had imagined it would be.

Somehow, I had the fortune of seeing phrase that struck chords in me that I think they could be played into a melody. haha, kidding. Why I say so is because, just as I was lamenting over how can I possibly score so much worst than the majority, I saw a write-up written by my mother on Daisaku Ikeda's words.

"Do not compare yourself with others. Be true to who you are, and continue to learn with all your might." Well, I admit, that struck the loudest chord in me as the main reason to why I was lamenting and mentally-torturing myself is because I fared much worse than the others, and I had been expecting a lot from myself. Hence the pressure, the disappointment and the resentment.

These timely phrases cleared my mind, brought me out of my own miseries. So for now, I'm going to do whatever it takes to get me into NUS Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine:D

But,I have a problem now, should I go for alternatives? Or should I persist on my dream? Should I give up my dream? All these keep running over and over. It is really not my usual self to be so lost in what to do. I don't want to give up my dream, but I fear that the harsh practical reality may just hinder that from occurring. The outcome that many people had cautioned me about, the scenario in which I do not get accepted into anything. It makes me feel so lost to what I should do. But one thing for sure, I'm going to try for Medicine, no matter what my parents say, what my relatives say, what my friends say, for I know that if I were to forgo the opportunity to even try, I will regret for life. And this is definitely not my style of handling matters, to give up without even trying. And one thing I have learnt from my downfall, " You don't fail when you fail, you fail when you give up" hence, failure comes only when one has given up on oneself. That was what suddenly struck me while filing cards at causeway point. Haha, my places of inspiration are interesting:D

well, wish me luck:)